One gets over a watch. You never get over a loved one.

Ziva

That sex offender website makes it damn hard to meet chics!

John Stevens

I appreciate that, Tony, but don't try to compete with my Schmeil.

Ziva

Male friends only want to sleep with you. Billy Crystal, Meg Ryan, When Harry Met Sally.

Tony

No name, but Marge Simpson was a regular.

DiNozzo

Agent Gibbs, you are one bad-ass!

Captain Wescott

Hey, the Opera is one of the big three!

McGee

Gibbs: I'm on the other side now. I tried to catch Wescott, he wouldn't let me.
Ducky: No, you can't Gibbs, but you can call him.

I'm more of a Super-Mario guy, myself.

Captain Wescott

We don't have to grow up all at once, and we are who we are. But there is such a thing as balance and it can be achieved while being true to our own nature.

Ziva

Tony: It's like looking for a needle in a haystack.
Ziva: Why would anyone out a needle in a sack of hay anyways?

Tony: In fact, I was champion of my Baltimore precinct in the late '90s.
Ziva: (laughing) 'Late '90s?' That makes you sound...
Tony: What, old?! Don't say old!
Ziva: I didn't say it, you did.

NCIS Quotes

McGee: Rule number 70 - keep digging till you hit bottom.
Abby: McGee! There is no rule 70.
McGee: Well, I--
Abby: You just made up a rule. This McGibbs thing has really gone to your head. I don't even recognize you right now.

McGee: All right. Well you should probably know that Abby and I used to date?
Bishop: Ew. Like, each other?
McGee: Yeah.
Bishop: Wait - isn't that a violation of rule 12, never date a....
McGee: It was a long time ago. After we'd broken up, one night I went to her lab. Found a scribbled piece paper; a list. Potential boyfriends had to fulfill certain conditions by a pre-arranged date or else, goodbye.
Bishop: Such as.
McGee: Things started off relatively normal: opening the door for her, flowers, putting the seat down. Then around number 8, it gets uh...
Bishop: What?
McGee: Does she know you have these?
Bishop: Does she know you have these?
McGee: Yeah she wasn't happy when she found out.
Bishop: These are all very specific.
McGee: Yeah.
Bishop: These ideas apply to you?
McGee: No those rules weren't in place when we were together. At least I don't think so.
Bishop: What's with the two month cutoff? Abby's sabotaging herself. I've seen stuff like this before. We have to talk to her.