Eli David: Ziva, I do not walk straight lines. Ask your Agent Gibbs would say, this is not my first radio.
Ziva David: Rodeo.

Jackie Vance: So this is why you had to be in the office so early? Garfield shipped Nermal to the Kremlin again?
Leon Vance: Lasagna shortage in Damascus.

Tony DiNozzo: Shabbat dinner?
Ziva David: It is Friday night. But I have no idea what or who you're talking about.
Tony DiNozzo: Just tell him Agent Meatball says "hi".

Leon Vance: So. We'll still have the house to ourselves after dinner right?
Jackie Vance: You had your shot, baby.

Leroy Gibbs: Leon?
Leon Vance: She's dead. My wife is dead, Gibbs.

Ziva: You did not tell us your father would be coming to town.
Tony: I didn't really think it was going to happen. Because something always comes up, doesn't it?
Ziva: Well I think it sounds wonderful.
Tony: Well I don't. We're not...it doesn't...it always ends up in an argument.

Tony: I don't understand. Where are you staying?
Tony Senior: At your place.
Tony: No. No, no, no, no. Because it's not big enough.
Tony Senior: Oh come on Junior. You've got room. [Looks at the rest of the team] Doesn't he?
Ziva: I would not know. I've never been invited.
Tony Senior [at Tony]: Is that true? What's the matter with you?

Tony Senior: That's your bed?
Tony: Yeah.
Tony Senior: Not much room for play.
Tony: Well when I come home, dad, I sleep. Alone.
Tony Senior: You're serious?
Tony: Dad this is my sanctuary. Okay? If I'm going to see a lady I will stay at her place. That way I can leave when I want, and nobody overstays their welcome.

Abby: This ornament has been in my family since the 1890s. It was my great-great grandmother's. So I'm trying to identify as many relatives who have handled it as I can. I already found my Great-Uncle Cooper and Aunt Trixie.
McGee: Ask her how she got a match.
Abby: I used to fingerprint all my relatives at our reunions. I started when I was eleven years old.

McGee: You should appreciate your father. I never had family traditions.
Tony: Well. We haven't had them for years. Traditions kind of died with my grandfather. Senior was kind of an absentee parent, you know? Longstanding customs kind of disappeared. Along with a certain family signet ring. It was always passed on to the next generation on the Christmas of the son's 21st birthday. I never got it. Senior claimed it was stolen. "I was mugged, Junior." But I think he pawned it during the bad times.

Tony: What happened in here?
Tony Senior: Is this how you're going to react to all the hard work I did today? I baked your favorite Christmas cookies. Snickerdoodles. Used your mother's recipe.
Tony: I knew your staying here was a mistake. Look. This is my apartment. Okay? This is my space.
Tony Senior: Junior. Chill. Chill. Get the Christmas spirit.

Tony Senior: Junior's the only family I have left. After his mother died it just hasn't been the same.
Ziva: He showed me a picture of her. She was really beautiful.
Tony Senior: Inside and out. She was the love of my life Ziva. I've never been able to fill up that void. God knows I've gotten into a lot of trouble trying.

NCIS Quotes

McGee: All right. Well you should probably know that Abby and I used to date?
Bishop: Ew. Like, each other?
McGee: Yeah.
Bishop: Wait - isn't that a violation of rule 12, never date a....
McGee: It was a long time ago. After we'd broken up, one night I went to her lab. Found a scribbled piece paper; a list. Potential boyfriends had to fulfill certain conditions by a pre-arranged date or else, goodbye.
Bishop: Such as.
McGee: Things started off relatively normal: opening the door for her, flowers, putting the seat down. Then around number 8, it gets uh...
Bishop: What?
McGee: Does she know you have these?
Bishop: Does she know you have these?
McGee: Yeah she wasn't happy when she found out.
Bishop: These are all very specific.
McGee: Yeah.
Bishop: These ideas apply to you?
McGee: No those rules weren't in place when we were together. At least I don't think so.
Bishop: What's with the two month cutoff? Abby's sabotaging herself. I've seen stuff like this before. We have to talk to her.

McGee: Rule number 70 - keep digging till you hit bottom.
Abby: McGee! There is no rule 70.
McGee: Well, I--
Abby: You just made up a rule. This McGibbs thing has really gone to your head. I don't even recognize you right now.