Bishop: It doesn't make any sense.
Tony: What now, Russell Crowe? Hasn't your beautiful mind gotten you in enough trouble today?

Gibbs: You forgot something.
Bishop: Ahh, that's not mine.
Gibbs: It's got your name on it.
Bishop: This is my NCIS application from years ago. Before I took the job at NSA. How did you know about this?
Gibbs: Your name sounded familiar. I went back and looked it up.
Bishop: That's why you took me along today. You play chess too.
Gibbs: I wanted to see if you're still up for a challenge.
Bishop: Why?
Gibbs: I'd like to keep you around. Joint duty assignment.

McGee: You ever going to get a new car?
Tony: Well, firstly I never buy new cars. Secondly, I need something that ignites my passions. It's like a woman: I need to be in love before I commit.
McGee: You've never committed to a woman.

Clark: It's called attorney-client privilege. Everything that you say is confidential. It doesn't leave this room unless you want it to. Rules about this prohibit me from telling anyone what we discussed.
Dunne: You sure?
Clark: I promise you, Justin.
Dunne: When that girl was killed, I was 35 miles away in Falls Church.
Clark: And what were you doing there?
Dunne: Stabbing a guy to death.

Ducky: I don't understand why people run.
Palmer: Well it's therapeutic. It has great cardio-vascular benefits. What's more, it gets the old endorphins pumping. I tell you, running gives me a great high.
Ducky: I was referring to the driver running from the scene of the accident, Mr. Palmer.

Tony: Listen, I know I made fun of you in the past for riding the bus, but I have to admit I was wrong. I've been using public transporation and I really like it.
McGee: You're kidding.
Tony: No. I have time to read, make some calls....and best of all, I get to watch people. People are fascinating.
McGee: Okay Tony I'm...I don't even know what I am right now. But I know you, and this is not you.

Gibbs: DiNozzo - check out Olivia Chandler.
Tony: With pleasure. Thank you boss.

Lodge owner: I swear, the old witch is psychic. If I have so much as a thought of another woman...
Tony: You don't have to answer that.
Lodge owner: I have to.

Gibbs: Duck, I have to be careful how I handle this, for Carrie's sake. She could get disbarred.
Ducky: I know you, Jethro. It sounds as if she's doing the right thing, as you are.

McGee: Tony what's going on? Do you have a drinking problem?
Tony: No. No, I just....I joined this men's support group. Meets in the church hall two nights a week.
McGee: You serious?
Tony: Uh huh. I know - it doesn't sound like me. But, with the past year I just wanted to shake things up a little bit. Meet some new people. This guy at the gym told me about the group and I thought it sounded like a good idea. And it is. It's fun. The Rev drove me to Quantico the other morning. Interesting guy. He's helping me be less judgemental.

Tony: Sgt. Dunne, Olivia Chandler and Wendell Kaiser all have one thing in common. They all go to AA meetings.
McGee: Probably where they met.
Tony: The sergeant and the trophy wife are lovers. The desk clerk at the Chevy Chase Lodge said that they were regulars. It's just like that movie "Body Heat". William Hurt and Kathleen Turner. God. She was really something, boss. A head turner. Anyway, they were young lovers and they wanted the rich husband's money and him out of the way.
McGee: On the other hand, you've got Wendell Kaiser who's deep in debt to his bookie and needs him off his back.
Tony: So they help each other and switch murders.
McGee: While Kaiser was in New York, Dunne killed the bookie with Olivia's help. She drove him. Her car was in the vicinity. Who would ever suspect them? I mean there's no connection, no motive.
Tony: Tomorrow, Sgt. Dunne is going to deploy. Olivia Chandler's off to Jamaica. And I'm betting that while they're away, her husband's going to have a terrible accident at the hands of Mr. Kaiser here - a man with whom he has no connection.

McGee: I see that victim sensitivity training really paid off.
Tony: I think somebody's been spending a little too much time watching Bette Midler movies. Delilah have you sit down and watch "Beaches" again?
McGee: Leave her out of it.

NCIS Quotes

Tony: One other question, I know you're an expert in English history. And I was just wondering, have you ever heard of Archibald Drummond, the 17th Earl of Trent?
Ducky: The Earl of Trent. No, I can't say I have. Why?
Tony: I was just wondering. Thanks.

McGee: All right. Well you should probably know that Abby and I used to date?
Bishop: Ew. Like, each other?
McGee: Yeah.
Bishop: Wait - isn't that a violation of rule 12, never date a....
McGee: It was a long time ago. After we'd broken up, one night I went to her lab. Found a scribbled piece paper; a list. Potential boyfriends had to fulfill certain conditions by a pre-arranged date or else, goodbye.
Bishop: Such as.
McGee: Things started off relatively normal: opening the door for her, flowers, putting the seat down. Then around number 8, it gets uh...
Bishop: What?
McGee: Does she know you have these?
Bishop: Does she know you have these?
McGee: Yeah she wasn't happy when she found out.
Bishop: These are all very specific.
McGee: Yeah.
Bishop: These ideas apply to you?
McGee: No those rules weren't in place when we were together. At least I don't think so.
Bishop: What's with the two month cutoff? Abby's sabotaging herself. I've seen stuff like this before. We have to talk to her.