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Ncis

Ziva: Dead man is ICE.
Tony: That's cold.

Ladies and Gentlemen, the amazing Dr Donald 'Ducky' Mallard. The first and only M.E. under the big top.

Tony

Tony: Looks like someone dropped a cocktail weenie.
Ducky: I have a riddle for you; What is not food, but tastes very well. I'll give you a hint. And you should come up with an answer before Officer David, since it's right on the...
Tony: Tip of your tongue.

Ziva: He did not get out this way.
Yates: Not unless he could cross a lawn without bending a blade of grass.
Ziva: Well not impossible, with the proper training.

Gibbs: Rule number eleven, DiNozzo.
Tony: I would never date a coworker, Boss. Trust me. I mean, why would you even... That's twelve. Eleven... when the job is done, walk away.

Ziva: Are you jealous?
Tony: (he pauses) No. I'm worried. Because you don't seem to understand that your secret friend is interfering with this agency's ability to shut down a terrorist cell!
Ziva: Interfering? How is he interfering?
Tony: He's already killed two suspects.
Ziva: Well, in my country that would be cause for celebration.
Tony: You're not in your country and neither is he!

McGee: Tony, I am not arguing with you.
Tony: You are arguing now.
McGee: No I'm not!
Tony: Yes you are!
McGee: This is not an argument.
Tony: Yes it is.
McGee: No it's not!
Tony: It is

Tony: Long distance can be hard. Tell a friend from Tel-Aviv?
Ziva: You're jealous.
Tony: I'm not jealous.
Ziva: Yes you are.
Tony: No I'm not, and I'm not arguing, boss.
McGee: Are to!
Tony: Am not!

Tony: He got a name?
Ziva: Who?
Tony: Star of David.
Ziva: Oh him, yes he has a name.
Tony: Trevor? Bruce? Marmaduke?
Ziva: Michael.
Tony: Um, he sounded more like a Bruce than a Michael on the phone.

McGee, not me? McGoo, you?

Tony

Ziva: After out last trip to LA, I do not understand why you would think I would be such an eager platypus, Tony.
Tony: Beaver, eager beaver. Not platypus. (pause) Why does that bother me so much? Don't answer that! (Ziva's cell rings) Answer that!

Ziva: Tony, do you have to do that now?
Tony: It's spring. I'm spring-cleaning, so... yes!
Ziva: Spring-cleaning?
McGee: You don't have spring-cleaning in Isreal?
Ziva: We do not have spring. Israel is a desert.

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