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New-girl

Nick is so, so, so hot! I want to rub my face on his face!

Sarah

Schmidt: CeCe, are you pregnant?
CeCe: I don't know. We have to wait for the test results, but I'm late.
Schmidt: We made a caramel miracle!

An Indian-Jewish baby? Who wouldn't want that? Think about the bone structure!

Schmidt

Sorry. I've never heard you talk about your ex wife, and I got really nervous, and I tried to flirt information out of you.

Jess

[to Winston] You're listening to the radio and writing with a pen? What decade are we in?

Schmidt

Actually, I don't trust what "cool" means to all of you, so how about just " be normal".

Jess

Winston: So nice to meet you, Mr. Kareem Abdul Jabbar. Can I sit on your shoulders?
Kareem: Sure!
Winston: Really?
Kareem: No!

Schmidt: Would you line up around the corner if the iPhone was called "the slippery germ brick"?
Nick: Yeah, I probably would actually.

Nadia: Jew in the couch!
CeCe: Nadia, American manners!
Nadia: Sorry. Jew person in couch.
Schmidt: She's not wrong.

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