New Girl

Tuesdays 9:00 PM on FOX
New girl

Winston: So nice to meet you, Mr. Kareem Abdul Jabbar. Can I sit on your shoulders?
Kareem: Sure!
Winston: Really?
Kareem: No!

Schmidt: Would you line up around the corner if the iPhone was called "the slippery germ brick"?
Nick: Yeah, I probably would actually.

Nadia: Jew in the couch!
CeCe: Nadia, American manners!
Nadia: Sorry. Jew person in couch.
Schmidt: She's not wrong.

I am so sorry you had to hear about it like this. But can we take a minute to celebrate me? It's like I'm having Indian every night!

Schmidt

Nick: Schmidt...I need you to teach me to be a douchebag
Schmidt: Let's get started.
Winston: What is happening in the world?

You've all thought about me while self-completing!?

Jess

Guess what you guys? My shoes are filled with blood!

Jess

Winston: Hey Schmidt, do you mind if I use the uh...manbulance?
Schmidt: The manbulance is resting. It's getting ready for the corporate retreat.
Winston: That's cool. I'm sure the mambulance couldn't handle all of Shelby's luggage anyway.
Schmidt: What the hell is wrong with you, Winston? It could fit the luggage of 9 Shelbys. It has the towing capacity of 1,000 Shelbys.

Schmidt: What are you wearing!?
CeCe: I don't...I don't know. I found this in the lost found at the gym. I'm not really sure how sexy a "sexretary" is supposed to be.
Schmidt: If you're trying to seduce me, don't dress up like my Aunt Frida at seder.
CeCe: The truth is, I would do anything. Do it anywhere.
Schmidt: Even fantasy locations?

Skylar: Do you know how to make drinks?
Nick: Do I know how to make drinks?
Skylar: Yeah, like alcoholic drinks?
Nick: Yeah, I do that professionally.
Skylar: You could get me drunk professionally?

What's going on? Why is the cast of The Social Network in our apartment?

Jess

Where are you guys? Could I have walked out to the mountains? When does a hill become a mountain? I'm so cold!

Nick
Displaying quotes 25 - 36 of 179 in total

New Girl Season 1 Quotes

Get rid of it, Jess. Pine has no place in this loft. It's the wood of poor people and outhouses.

Schmidt

Cece: What's your stripper name?
Jess: Uh, Rebecca Johnson.
Cece: Your stripper name is Rebecca Johnson?
Jess: Boobies Johnson. Two Boobs Johnson.

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