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New-girl

Sometimes I just sit in the stall and listen to you guys.

Nick

Schmidt: A tuxedo is different from a suit.
Nick: It is??!!

Cece: I thought I threw that thing out the window.
Schmidt: That only made it stronger.

I'm going on a date with Elizabeth tonight. I haven't had sex with her since I was fat and accessing my penis was like getting a remote control out of the couch.

Schmidt

You question my pajamas? You make me question our entire friendship!

Jess

Jess: If we're all really honest with ourselves, isn't it all about the gonads? Am I right, ladies?
Ladies: No!

I am throwing Cece's surprise bachelorette party here tonight, and the only males invited are strippers, so oil up or get out, guys.

Jess

I can do anything I put my mind to. I once figured out Alyssa Milano's phone number just by randomly choosing numbers.

Schmidt

Shivrang's Aunt: Who is this?
Schmidt: I'm Gerard Depardieu. Who do you think I am, lady? I'm Schmidt.

Displaying quotes 19 - 27 of 193 in total