Popular Scrubs Quotes
As for me, I could overcome any obstacle, as long as I had Elliot and her ridiculously strong thighs beneath me.
J.D.'s Narration
J.D.: Dr. Kelso, he's always telling me, you know, "You've gotta stay positive!"
Dr. Cox: I'm gonna go ahead and say this just as carefully as possible so I don't overstate it: Dr. Kelso is the most evil human being on the planet. And may, in fact, be Satan, himself
Dr. Cox: Holy cow. Do you realize if we could get a tight enough clamp around the bulb and then just-
Janitor: No, no, no, you'll break the thing! Look, here's the thing about lightbulbs, okay? They're structurally weak at the narrow end, but the round end is surprisingly strong.
Turk: So if we could get behind the bulb...
Janitor: I see where you're headed! We go down through the mouth!
Dr. Cox: Your turn's over.
Carla: Look at you in your new uniform! And they give you a nightstick!
Janitor: Well, actually, this is my dad's. He used to use this baby every day at work.
Turk: Was he a cop?
Janitor: Uh, no, cat trainer.
Janitor: And it's no good to hide it from me, 'cause I got keys to everything. Except the third floor mental ward. Someone stole that one.
Dr. Kelso: Was he smoking a gavel?
Janitor: Seemed to be.
Elliot: I don't know how much longer I can avoid sleeping with Jake, man.
J.D.: It's easy. If you ever find yourself in a romantic situation, just do something that's a complete turn-off.
Carla: You know, like how you can swallow your whole fist.
Turk: You know, you're gonna have to see her eventually.
Carla: No I don't, 'cause I know the layout to the air-duct system here like the back of my hand
Turk: This is a hospital, why are you playing that song?
Janitor: Ohh! You mean "We Don't Have To Take Our Clothes Off" - Jermaine Stewart's classic anthem to platonic love. No reason.
Turk: Whatever it is you're trying to do, it's not working.
Janitor: 'Course not, not with you. You're, uh... what'd you say? Untouchable. Well, anyway, back to work. New friend!
Elliot: On the one hand, I know Dr. Kelso doesn't mean anything by it. And, okay, maybe I am kind of a sweetheart...
Dr. Cox: I'm sleeping.
Elliot: On the other hand, it just sounds so demeaning! You know?
Dr. Cox: Mother of God, you're not listening to a word I'm saying, are you.
Elliot: I mean, it's not like he's my grandpa or anything. Anyway, J.D. always tells me how you've helped him out...
Dr. Cox: Well, he obviously hasn't told you about my ear-flicking policy, has he. Look! This whole "groovy guidance counselor" thing you people seem to have working is a total fantasy. I'm not that guy, you can go and ask anybody. Now, you've got to leave me alone, or I'll punish you
J.D.: It was our first annual interracial buddy movie night! We had to.
Turk: Ya know, I'm still pissed that you thought "Turner & Hooch" was an interracial buddy movie.
J.D.: I didn't know it was Tom Hanks and a dog, okay? Don't paint me as a racist just because I thought "black guy" when I heard the name Hooch.
Hooch: Yeah J.D., what's up?
J.D.: Oh! Sorry Hooch, we were just talkin' 'bout the movie.
Hooch: No biggie, happens all the time!
Listen up, Interns! Notice the definition in the upper calf. (Lifts pant leg to reveal his oddly youthful legs) Look at it, damnit! See that. Back in 'Nam the choppers used to hover about eight feet over my head and I'd jump in. You should have seen the look on Charlie's face. (To Rex) Not the enemy, son. The pilot, Charlie-horse. Great guy. He didn't make it back. Where's the cake?
Dr. Kelso
Carla: Kelso's gonna kill me. I can't find Mr. Sommers.
Janitor: Did you look between Mr. Spring and Mr. Fall? Ha ha, too easy.
