Popular Scrubs Quotes
Ted: Legally, there's a huge difference. When you stitch a patient, wind up sewing a sheet to him, that's an accident. When he tries getting up, the whole gurney collapses, breaking his front teeth, that's a lawsuit. Say it with me: Accident. Lawsuit.
Elliot: On the one hand, I know Dr. Kelso doesn't mean anything by it. And, okay, maybe I am kind of a sweetheart...
Dr. Cox: I'm sleeping.
Elliot: On the other hand, it just sounds so demeaning! You know?
Dr. Cox: Mother of God, you're not listening to a word I'm saying, are you.
Elliot: I mean, it's not like he's my grandpa or anything. Anyway, J.D. always tells me how you've helped him out...
Dr. Cox: Well, he obviously hasn't told you about my ear-flicking policy, has he. Look! This whole "groovy guidance counselor" thing you people seem to have working is a total fantasy. I'm not that guy, you can go and ask anybody. Now, you've got to leave me alone, or I'll punish you
Cox: Okay, before we get started today, who watches Deal or No Deal?
[guy raises hand]
Cox: Okay, you, out!
I grew up on the street. No, not the hood, the Sesame Street
J.D.
J.D.: Your thoughts on the beard?
Cox: I like it. Of course, I'm always in favor of anything that covers parts of your face that were previously uncovered
J.D [quietly]: Yay, you hurt my feelings
Denise: You called me Joe?
J.D.: Do you not like that as a new nickname?
Denise: Just a little butch, I like banging dudes.. so...
J.D: I heard that's nice
Elliot: Besides me, can you even name one other woman you're friends with?
Turk: Carla and a lovely woman by the name Margret
Elliot: Carla is your wife and Margret is your mother
Turk: Elliot, do not talk about my momma or I will punch you in the head
Intern: You gonna go to the hemoglobin lecture?
Ed: No can do other Indian guy, I'm about to go get some pizza!
J.D: I was still trying to get my intern Joe to be more sensitive with her patient
[flashes into room with patient]
Denise: Don't worry Mr Hepburn, a lot of people are afraid needles. I was only surprised because you're the first one I've come across that doesn't have a vagina
[they leave the room]
Denise: Did you know that guy was a priest?
J.D: I did
Turk: Elliot, are you sick?
Elliot: No, i just don't have makeup on
Turk: You look pretty
Kelso: Dr. Reid, when did you become homeless?
Elliot: These are just my cookie pants
Kelso: These are my muffin pants. I've been wearing them since I retired
[Dr. Cox telling Kelso how much he misses him...]
Dr. Cox: When you were the Chief, you were a jackass and a nightmare and I hated you a great deal.
Dr. Kelso: That's a good start
