Popular Scrubs Quotes
Dr. Cox: Okay, class! We have a guest with us at rounds today, happens to be an old friend of yours truly, so let's all go out of our way to treat him with the respect he deserves. Nnnnnnnn'kay?
Dr. Casey: Hey, gang. My name is Dr. Kevin Cas-
Dr. Cox: Anyway! I thought we'd change things up a little bit today - instead of me firing questions at you, I'd like to see you all scurry away and get your text books. And when you get back, you actually get to quiz us. A little harmless competition, if my colleague here will consent to it?
Dr. Casey(yawns): I'm sorry; are you done with the speechifying?... I'm kidding, you frightening bastard!
Okay, here it goes. Ho ho this is so weird. I don't really know what to say. Sorry I haven't visited much, I've been kinda busy. ...That's not true. Why am I lying to a slab of granite?
Carla
J.D.: Seriously, how are you?
Dr. Cox: Oh, my god. Look, Abby, I didn't write to you asking for help, so if you continue on down this road, you're going to end up eating, breathing and relieving yourself through a tube of some kind. Signed, dealing-with-it-on-his-own, in Kansas.
Elliot: Well, he doesn't have insurance, so if you could talk to the other members of the board today at the meeting, well, J.D. thought maybe we could-
Jordan: "J.D. thought"? First he dumps that patient on you, and now he wants you to ask me a favor? Honey, if you don't start saying no to him soon, you're gonna wind up on the losing end of a little game I like to call Hide The Pickle.
Elliot: Oh! J.D. and I are just colleagues.
Jordan: Oh, my God; I was just joking, but you actually slept with him, didn't you?
Elliot: Pff... A little
Mr. Francone has been in a coma for well over a year. His organs are starting to fail and he probably won't be with us very much longer. The most important thing to remember during his final hours here on Earth is do not ever come to me and ask me questions about how to treat him. He's a potato. If you do, my answer will always be the same. Sour cream, chives, and if I haven't had any protein that day, maybe just a sprinkling of some of those bacon bits
Dr. Cox
Todd: T-Dog, that was big of you to cover for Elliot. You know, I had a good mind to spank her yesterday.
Turk: What, she screw up with one of your patients, too?
Todd: No.
Lonnie: Yar. (The Janitor popsicles him) God! Why?
Janitor: You combined "you" and "are". "Yar". It made no sense.
Dr. Cox: What's weird is that its taken my best friend so long to come and see my son. I mean you get diagnosed with leukemia and then you disappear for two years. What is that about?
Ben: Well, it went into remission and I wanted to see the world in all its splendor and glory.
Dr. Cox. How'd that go for you?
Ben: Ehh. Got some good picture though. Here check it out. Look. Here's me at the Great Wall of China. This is me at the pyramids... What is this? Oh yeah. This was you and me, like eight seconds ago.
Turk: Dude, today I had to sink or swim all on my own; and guess what? A brother swam.
J.D.: That is so fabulous! What is wrong with me today!?
J.D.'s Narration: Turk didn't even realize he'd pissed me off, so explaining my feelings to him was the smart move. I took a slightly different tack.
J.D.: That seat's taken, ass-face!
Turk: By who?
J.D.: Hello there, Chocolate Bear Two.
Turk: Hooch!? J.D., what the hell is going on here!?
J.D.: I replaced your ass!
Family Member: Dr. Dorian, you can't imagine how grateful we are.
J.D.: Let me ask you something: Who's the cool doc you call when you want to save your husband, Paul? J.D.!... It's from 'Shaft'? Come on, how could you guys not get that?
Family Member: Yeah... That's our 'Citizen Kane'... Anyway, thanks again. You're a real hero.
J.D.: Oh, please, I put my pants on one leg at a time, just like you guys... Except, after I put my pants on, I save your husband's life! Oh, no he didn't!
Dr. Kelso: I haven't eaten since yesterday. I've been starving myself because I was going to a steakhouse tonight. It was just gonna be me, a 24-ounce porterhouse, and a fistful of blood thinners.
Janitor: That's an incredibly boring story!
