Scrubs Season 1 Quotes
Turk: Yeah, I know who screwed this up. It's that same lazy-ass admitting nurse that mixed up my files. And there she is! I'm gonna go get her.
J.D.: Turk, I can fight my own battles, man.
Turk: You're not gonna write her one of your angry notes, are you? 'Cause she doesn't deserve it.
J.D.: No, I lost my thesaurus.
Turk: Okay, well you go get her, then!
J.D.: I'm just asking you to check, Franklyn, and see if you could've made a mistake.
Franklyn: Look, I've worked here seven years, and never made a single mistake!
Elliot: You mixed up my patients' urine samples yesterday!
Franklyn: Okay, I make lots of mistakes. But I really have to go to the bathroom right now, and after that I'm going to lunch
Carla: Let me ask you something. You're kind of a boob guy, right?
J.D.: Excuse me?
Carla: I can tell, because I've seen you look at mine. Um, not in a sleazy way, or anything...
J.D.: I think this is the most uncomfortable conversation I've ever had!
Carla: You wanna touch one?
J.D.: I stand corrected! You're my best friend's girlfriend!
Carla: Ah, so your instinct is to pass on this fantastic one-time offer?
J.D.: I'm afraid so...
Carla: I'm up here, Bambi.
J.D.: Oh, sorry.
Dr. Cox: Do you understand that the second you look in the mirror and you're happy with what you see, baby you just lost the battle!
Turk: You should give speeches to teenage girls
J.D.: What's this?
Ted: If you should develop any symptoms that suggest you may have contracted Hepatitis B, this form simply states the hospital is not responsible.
J.D.: Thanks. That's, uh, that's comforting
Turk: How many nights a week are you in here?
Dr. Cox: A few.
Todd: Aw, he's being modest. The Big Dog's down here polishing his guns like every night!
Dr. Cox: That doesn't mean I don't have a life.
Todd: A couple times we even went out for a beer after!
Dr. Cox: Dude
Todd: Dude! Way to get your burger on!
Dr. Cox: Now, just exactly what in the hell is this?
Turk: I need to talk to you about something.
Todd: So, Dr. Cox, I haven't had the chance to tell you this yet: Your. Name. Rocks! Come on!
Dr. Cox: This conversation stops until cabana boy, here, goes
J.D.'s Narration: Ahhh, the Walk of Shame. All you can really hope for is a supportive friend to help you get through it.
J.D.: Elliot got some booty! Some booty! Some what? What? Elliot got some-
Elliot: Stop it!
J.D.: What? It's my "Elliot Got Some Booty" dance... Oh, come on! Elliot, it's not like anybody else knows.
Dr. Cox: What's up, porn star?
Laverne: Somebody toasted that marshmallow!
Elliot: Well?
J.D.: Somebody got some a-action! She got some aaaction!
J.D.'s Narration: The curse of the scrubs machine - one of the hospital's most annoying money savers. The only way to get clean scrubs out is to put dirty ones in.
J.D.: How can I help?
Elliot: Give me your shirt.
J.D.: How else can I help?
Elliot: I'm sorry, we cannot have intercourse tonight.
Sean: You've gotta stop calling it that.
Elliot: It's just I'm falling so behind in my reading, and I really-
Sean: Elliot, don't always assume that I want to be fooling around. Sometimes I'm-I'm perfectly happy just being with you and thinking about fooling around
Sean: You know, Freud said that ninety percent of all human behavior is motivated by sexual impulses? But, come on. You know, give me some credit. I'd say at least thirty percent of my behavior is motivated by advertising, and the rest by violence in film!
Elliot: For me it's ninety-eight percent getting my dad to love me, two percent chocolate
Turk: So, how do you do it, man? How do you stay in shape?
Dr. Cox: It's called discipline. Some of us work on our appearance.
Turk: Well, you think it's possible that I could work out with you sometime?
Dr. Cox: I don't know about that, stay-puff. I'm not particularly fond of you. Although, it might be fun to see you flail about for a couple of days