Scrubs Season 1 Quotes
J.D.: So, you're gonna wanna re-wrap the gauze when it gets soiled.
Jordan: Wow, re-wrap a dirty bandage. It's phenomenal how you doctors keep all this stuff in your head.
J.D.: You know, we don't - it says it right there on the box
Ben: Hey, don't be mean to him. You're mad at me.
Jordan: Yeah, because you shouldn't be doing contracting work. You. Are. Clumsy! That's why things like this keep happening.
Ben: They don't keep happening.
Jordan: How many times have you hurt yourself with that nail-gun?
Ben: Once.
Jordan: Oh, come on.
Ben: What? With that nail-gun? It's a new nail-gun. If it'd been any other nail-gun, then, yeah, the estimate would be slightly higher
Ben: Jordan, I'll call you later, all right?
Jordan: Okay, fine. Forget it. Forget it. You big jerk!
Dr. Cox: Y'happen to remember when she used to be fun?
Ben: No.
Dr. Cox: Me neither.
J.D.: Me neither!
Dr. Cox: When spoken to, Newbie. When spoken to. Here, I thought we were clear on that one!
J.D.: Yeah, we were
Dr. Cox: Hey, Ben, you realize we haven't grabbed a beer in a couple of weeks - what's that about?
J.D.'s Narration: You know, he's never asked me to grab a beer. But I don't care...
Dr. Cox: Newbie? Would you like to come?
J.D.: Oh, God, yes
J.D.: To buddies!
Dr. Cox: What in the hell do you think you're doing!? You can't drink beer, you're our driver! That's why we brought you to begin with.
Ben: It's just not right. You know, I'm gonna drink this for both of us
Turk: I can't stop thinking about Mr. Weinberg's testicles.
Todd: Duuude.
Turk: I mean, I almost removed one of them, Todd!
Todd: Which one?
Turk: Like it matters.
Todd: Oh, it matters!
Dr. Kelso: Dr. Turk, I heard about your mishap earlier today, but here's the skinny: If that patient finds out what happened because you can't reign in your yapper, then heads are going to roll. And I promise you yours and Ted's will be the first to go!
Ted: What did I do?
Turk: Consider my lips sewn shut, sir. Which, in this hospital, could actually happen!
Jill [on the phone]: Tim, sweetie, I wouldn't have slept with someone else if I didn't love you so much!
Elliot: No! No! No! No, no, no, no, no, no, no! Stop! Take the phone...!
Jill [on the phone]: Hold on one second. Ho-ho-hold on! [to Elliot] Hi!
Elliot: Hi! Your last name is Tracy! Well, of course, you know your last name is Tracy, but what you don't know is there's a woman down in 308 whose first name is Tracy. So I started thinking about your urine sample, and how you always carry that water bottle with you and stay very well-hydrated - which is why your pee is a much lighter color than most people's pee. And then I remembered the sample that came back with your name on it was bright yellow and the other Tracy, she is not much of a water drinker... which is why I think her skin looks so pasty-
Jill: Okay, sweetie, I'ma need you to get to the point.
Elliot: You're not pregnant! The lab tech just switched the samples!
Jill: You're killin' me... [on the phone] Hey, Sweetie! You know I was just jokin' about all that stuff, right
Ben: Come on, let him have a little fun.
Dr. Cox: All right, Clara, you can go ahead and order yourself a Cosmopolitan; we'll just grab a cab home.
J.D.: Actually, Ben has been sneaking me beers all night, and I'm quite drunk.
Dr. Cox: Well, that's just great
Elliot: So, turns out she wasn't really pregnant after all, 'cause some idiot mislabeled her urine sample!
Turk: I was a heartbeat away from giving an appendix patient a crotch lobotomy! If I do my best, and I lose a patient? You know what, I can live with that. But if a clerical error is the reason why a guy's walking around here with only the lonely? Well, damn! That don't sit well with the Big Dog
Dr. Cox: Ben? Why?
Ben: 'Cause it's my thing. You're just jealous you don't have a thing.
Dr. Cox: I had a thing - I used to like to hike, but Jordan somehow got that in the divorce, too.
Ben: She got your hobby? That's vindictive!
Dr. Cox: Look, Ben, I know I am prone to making the occasional casual reference to your sister being a, well, a wire-haired man-goblin... but I hope that has no effect on your relationship with her.
Ben: That's really very sweet of you to think that you're that important