I don't necessarily buy into all that new agey crap. One time I saw my mom knock my father unconscious with a frying pan. You know what I did? I kept right on going with my birthday party.

Dr. Cox

Larry: Look, kid, you're just confused. All you need to do is focus on the little things you love about her. Like... the way she puts out a cigarette... or how when she finishes a beer, she looks inside the can just to check if there's any left.
J.D.: Hm?
Danni: Sweetie, it's 5 to 9, and my Denver omelet's not gonna make itself.

Carla: What's going on with you?
Dr. Cox: Let's see, Jordan and I aren't, uh...we're not fighting anymore.
Carla: Oh, no. How long has this been going on?
Dr. Cox: Since the baby came along we've been fighting less and less.
Carla: Why don't you get a hotel room? Pour some nice champagne, get in a tub, and rip each other new ones. You know, make it special.

Marco! The invite says no dates, man! NO dates!

Turk

J.D.'s Narration: Unfortunately for me, I wasn't in love with Elliot. But I'm a man, and even though it was gonna be tough, I knew exactly what I had to do.
J.D.: Ready to go? I say we pick up some Chinese and hang at home tonight.
Elliot: Awesome!
J.D.'s Narration: I was going to stay with her for the rest of my life.

Marko: Aw come on man! That was "When Harry Met Sally" - it was a classic!
Turk: Aww yeah dude, you know I was gonna rent that the other night but then I remembered I was a heterosexual.

J.D.: Turk, I need your help, man. It's about Elliot.
Marko: Why, did you sleep with her again?
J.D.: How does everybody know about this?

J.D.'s Narration: Oh, he is so the Soup Nazi! Trick him!
J.D.: What is it again? It's like, you're out of luck in the soup department?
Larry: NO SOUP FOR YOU!
J.D.: Ha! Rad.

J.D.'s Narration I guess the Soup Nazi was right, it is the little things that are important. Like when Elliot blows the bangs out of her face. Or how she's the only person I know who sneezes with her eyes open.
Elliot: Atchoo. Ahem. 'Scuse me.
J.D.'s Narration: And that's when I realized that I really liked all those things about Elliot, but I didn't love them... and I didn't love her.

Turk: You're making a big mistake.
J.D.: Come on, man. Elliot and I are like best friends. We love hanging out with each other. Maybe that's love. I mean, who-who knows what love really is?
Turk: I do. J.D., when I look at Carla, I see the future. I see kids, I see minivans, I see a beer gut - on me, of course, not her.
J.D.: I hope so.

Turk: Oh, my God. My future brother-in-law is an evil genius!
Elliot: I'm gonna go, uh, check on "Sally"! Ha!... Okay, not funny yet.

Carla: Have you been working on your vows?
Turk: Define "work."
Carla: It's the difference between special birthday sex and no sex on our wedding night.
Turk: Yeah, I do like the special birthday sex.

Scrubs Season 3 Quotes

Dr. Miller: You try and paint Dr. Kelso as this jackass who turns on people who don't do his bidding, when you were ready to write me off just for having lunch. So honestly? How are you any different?
Dr. Cox: I'm taller than he is?

Laverne: You'll be okay, Marshmallow.
Elliot: Laverne, do you call me "Marshmallow" because I'm soft and easily flattened?
Laverne: Well, yeah... But, if it makes you feel any better, it's also because you're very white.