Scrubs

Scrubs Season 3 Quotes (Page 5)

Season 3 Episode 21: "My Self-Examination"

Turk: I love that you get a little crinkle above your nose when you're looking at me like I'm nuts. Yeah, like you got right now! Just like that one! I love that you're the last person I want to talk to before I go to sleep at night.
J.D.: Turk!
Turk: Dude, I'm workin' here. And it's not because I'm lonely, and it's not because it's our rehearsal dinner. I came here tonight because, when you realize you wanna spend the rest of your life with someone, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.
Carla: Turk.
Turk: Yeah, baby?
Carla: That's the speech from 'When Harry Met Sally'.
 • Rating: Unrated

Dr. Cox: Those pants make your ass look giant.
Jordan: Stop doing this.
Dr. Cox: I'm doing it for us. You suck at Scrabble.
Jordan: Do I look mad?
Dr. Cox: You got so much Botox in your expressionless face, I can't tell.
 • Rating: Unrated

Jordan: What else you got?
Dr. Cox: Well, when it's my turn to listen to the baby monitor, I just wait till you're asleep and I turn it off!
Jordan: Perry, give it up. There's nothing you can say!
Dr. Cox: Oh... You and your mother are basically the same person.
Jordan: What did you say!? I'm gonna kill you!
 • Rating: Unrated

Turk: Oh, my God. My future brother-in-law is an evil genius!
Elliot: I'm gonna go, uh, check on "Sally"! Ha!... Okay, not funny yet.
 • Rating: Unrated

Turk: So I take it you haven't broken up with her yet.
J.D.: Yeah, I decided to stay with her forever.
Turk: That's great, dude. I know you think you're being nice, but I'm pretty sure Elliot doesn't want to spend her life with someone who doesn't love her.
J.D.: Oh, you know what? If it's okay with you, I'm gonna go ahead and take relationship advice from someone whose fiancee is currently speaking to him. Ohhhh!
Turk: Ohhhh-ho!
J.D.: Gimme some champagne! I need a victory sip!
 • Rating: Unrated

Turk: You're making a big mistake.
J.D.: Come on, man. Elliot and I are like best friends. We love hanging out with each other. Maybe that's love. I mean, who-who knows what love really is?
Turk: I do. J.D., when I look at Carla, I see the future. I see kids, I see minivans, I see a beer gut - on me, of course, not her.
J.D.: I hope so.
 • Rating: Unrated

Jordan: Why didn't you tell me you felt that way, you dumbass?
Dr. Cox: Because you're so much like your mother, you wouldn'ta listened anyway.
Jordan slaps him then kisses him
Dr. Cox: No biting.
Jordan: Just take it, you girl.
 • Rating: Unrated

Turk: Anyway, uh... I may not ever be able to tell you how much you mean to me, but I promise I will try to show you... for the rest of my life. I love you.
Carla: I love you.
Elliot: Aren't they amazing?
J.D.: I don't love you.
Elliot: What?
J.D.: Please don't cry.
Elliot: Oh, I won't.
She angrily shoves him and throws him over the table
J.D.: Oh, God! Someone call 9-1-1!
Elliot: Oh, could I get a little more wine, please?
 • Rating: Unrated

(Marco arrives to the hospital in the back of a truck along with a sheep)
Turk: Marco! The invite says no dates, man! NO dates!
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 3 Episode 20: "My Fault"

J.D.: So, moving in together?
Elliot: Yeah. It's a little scary.
J.D.: It is scary. You know, I knew this girl in college who moved in with her boyfriend - everything changed. Stopped talking to each other, started fighting all the time and... you know the rest.
Elliot: They broke up?
J.D.: Oh no, he killed her.
Nurse: Dr. Reed, they need you to check on that stabbing victim in room 301.
J.D.: (whispers) Could be you.
Elliot: What?!
J.D.: Nothing.
 • Rating: Unrated

Dr. Kelso: I need your opinion about something.
Dr. Cox: Yes Bob, those pants do make you look like you're holding water.
Dr. Kelso: Perry, I'll tell you the same thing I told a comic I once saw in a strip club in Reno; I'm not here for the jokes.
 • Rating: Unrated

Dr. Cox: I can't believe Kelso really asked my opinion, you know?
Janitor: Look pal, if I wanted to sit and listen to someone yammer on about their lives, I'd be at my A.A. meeting right now.
Dr. Cox: Listen there scrub brush, it just so happens it was the only empty seat in the whole joint and besides, as a fellow abusive drinker you are honor-bound by bar stool protocol to listen to every last word out of my mouth.
 • Rating: Unrated

Mr. Corman: I wanna know everything that's wrong with me.
Dr. Cox: Mr. Corman, you're not even feeling bad, you don't need this scan. If it would make you happy, we can just go ahead and do the exact same thing we've done the last fifty times you've been in here - take your temperature, draw some blood and give you a rectal. It's your basic "Aw", "Ow", "OOOWWW!".
 • Rating: Unrated

Danni: Wanting what you can't have?
J.D.: Why are you here? Hospitals don't sell cigarettes!
Todd: Man, I'd smoke her!
J.D.: Quiet time Todd.
 • Rating: Unrated

Dr. Cox: Damnit all to hell Bob. I cannot believe you're gonna turn this hospital into some money making machine that coerces people into spending their hard earned cash on expensive procedures that they don't even need.
Dr. Kelso: Why not? Sounds like something I'd do.
Dr. Cox: You mark my words, if one single person gets a full body scan, I will, (pauses) I will kiss your ring.
Dr. Kelso: I will take that bet champ. You're our witness Laverne.
Laverne: How very exciting for all of us.
 • Rating: Unrated

Dr. Cox: Mr. Corman, you're not dying of anything, although if you do try to swipe one more bite of my lamb medallions, I will be forced to kill you.
Mr. Corman: Well look who never learned to share.
 • Rating: Unrated

Sean: Yeah, and I gotta get up early and look for an apartment.
Elliot: Yeah, he wouldn't take this perfect one he saw today just 'cause the last tenant died there.
Sean: Elliot! Rats ate his tongue out!
Elliot: Yeah, but the kitchen was so cute!
 • Rating: Unrated

J.D.'s Narration: I think that the problem with most people who want what they can't have is that, when they actually get the thing they covet, they don't want it anymore. But not this guy.
Elliot: Well, Dr. Dorian, you have me. You finally have me.
She snuggles close to him, and he finally takes a moment to realize what he has
J.D.'s Narration: Oh, my God! I DON'T WANT HER!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

J.D.: Look Elliot, every year we bounce around this thing and I never had the courage to just stand up and tell you how I feel... I'm crazy about you. And I want you to know, if I had the choice of hanging out with anyone in the entire world, or sitting at home with you, eating a pizza, watching a crappy TV show, I'd choose you everytime.
Elliot: I.. I have to go.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Todd: Dude. Why is Hot Doc being so nice to you lately?
Turk: I don't know, but it's about time. I haven't had to work this hard to win someone over since Carla's mom.
Todd: I thought Carla's mom hated you?
Turk: Yeah, but she died, so I'm counting it as a win.
 • Rating: Unrated

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