J.D.: Morning!
Janitor: Is it? Is it really?
J.D.: No, I was-I was kidding.

Turk: I love that you get a little crinkle above your nose when you're looking at me like I'm nuts. Yeah, like you got right now! Just like that one! I love that you're the last person I want to talk to before I go to sleep at night.
J.D.: Turk!
Turk: Dude, I'm workin' here. And it's not because I'm lonely, and it's not because it's our rehearsal dinner. I came here tonight because, when you realize you wanna spend the rest of your life with someone, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.
Carla: Turk.
Turk: Yeah, baby?
Carla: That's the speech from 'When Harry Met Sally'.

Larry: Look, kid, you're just confused. All you need to do is focus on the little things you love about her. Like... the way she puts out a cigarette... or how when she finishes a beer, she looks inside the can just to check if there's any left.
J.D.: Hm?
Danni: Sweetie, it's 5 to 9, and my Denver omelet's not gonna make itself.

J.D.'s Narration: Oh, he is so the Soup Nazi! Trick him!
J.D.: What is it again? It's like, you're out of luck in the soup department?
J.D.: Ha! Rad.

Carla: Turk, when I asked you if you wanted to write your own vows, you said yes.
Turk: Baby, I'm on top of it, all right? I promise you this weekend'll go off without a hitch!
Carla: Oh, hey, how did it go picking up my brother at the airport this morning?
Turk: I'm sorry, what?
Carla: How could you forget him!? You two have enough trouble getting along as it is!
Turk: Baby, I'm joking!

Turk: You're making a big mistake.
J.D.: Come on, man. Elliot and I are like best friends. We love hanging out with each other. Maybe that's love. I mean, who-who knows what love really is?
Turk: I do. J.D., when I look at Carla, I see the future. I see kids, I see minivans, I see a beer gut - on me, of course, not her.
J.D.: I hope so.

Turk: Anyway, uh... I may not ever be able to tell you how much you mean to me, but I promise I will try to show you... for the rest of my life. I love you.
Carla: I love you.
Elliot: Aren't they amazing?
J.D.: I don't love you.
Elliot: What?
J.D.: Please don't cry.
Elliot: Oh, I won't.
She angrily shoves him and throws him over the table
J.D.: Oh, God! Someone call 9-1-1!
Elliot: Oh, could I get a little more wine, please?

J.D.'s Narration: Maybe I just don't feel I deserve someone as great as Elliot because I have low self-esteem.
Elliot: Do you know that you have really nice hands?
J.D.: "Nice"? Elliot, these are the hands of a god!
Elliot: Heh!
J.D.'s Narration: Fine, so it's not the self-esteem thing.

Turk: Dude, I would love to help right now, but I'm in the middle of writing my vows. And all I've got so far is, "Let's give it up for the caterers! WOO! Good chicken!"
J.D.: So now that you're gettin' married, it's all about you.
Turk: No, now that I'm getting married tomorrow, it's about me.
Marko: Ooh, still seems that you can take a minute for a friend.
J.D.: I know!
Turk: Shut up, Marko!

Carla: Now, if you two can stop your petty crap for just one second, maybe we can focus on what this wedding weekend is supposed to be about.
Marco/Turk: Love.
Carla: No! ME!

Jordan: Why didn't you tell me you felt that way, you dumbass?
Dr. Cox: Because you're so much like your mother, you wouldn'ta listened anyway.
Jordan slaps him then kisses him
Dr. Cox: No biting.
Jordan: Just take it, you girl.

Carla: What's going on with you?
Dr. Cox: Let's see, Jordan and I aren't, uh...we're not fighting anymore.
Carla: Oh, no. How long has this been going on?
Dr. Cox: Since the baby came along we've been fighting less and less.
Carla: Why don't you get a hotel room? Pour some nice champagne, get in a tub, and rip each other new ones. You know, make it special.

Scrubs Season 3 Quotes

Dr. Kelso: Ahhh! Dr. Turkleton!
Turk: Actually, sir, it's Turk.
Dr. Kelso: That's your first name.
Turk: You think my name is Turk Turkleton?

Lady: Love your Hairmet.
J.D.: Love yours!