Dr. Cox: Those pants make your ass look giant.
Jordan: Stop doing this.
Dr. Cox: I'm doing it for us. You suck at Scrabble.
Jordan: Do I look mad?
Dr. Cox: You got so much Botox in your expressionless face, I can't tell.

J.D.'s Narration: Once you embrace a relationship and decide that you're really in, everything becomes easier. And I am in, baby!
Elliot: So, my parents are coming to town next week.
J.D.: We must eat with them!
Elliot: Oh. All right.

Carla: What's going on with you?
Dr. Cox: Let's see, Jordan and I aren't, uh...we're not fighting anymore.
Carla: Oh, no. How long has this been going on?
Dr. Cox: Since the baby came along we've been fighting less and less.
Carla: Why don't you get a hotel room? Pour some nice champagne, get in a tub, and rip each other new ones. You know, make it special.

Marco! The invite says no dates, man! NO dates!

Turk

J.D.'s Narration: Unfortunately for me, I wasn't in love with Elliot. But I'm a man, and even though it was gonna be tough, I knew exactly what I had to do.
J.D.: Ready to go? I say we pick up some Chinese and hang at home tonight.
Elliot: Awesome!
J.D.'s Narration: I was going to stay with her for the rest of my life.

Marko: Aw come on man! That was "When Harry Met Sally" - it was a classic!
Turk: Aww yeah dude, you know I was gonna rent that the other night but then I remembered I was a heterosexual.

J.D.: Turk, I need your help, man. It's about Elliot.
Marko: Why, did you sleep with her again?
J.D.: How does everybody know about this?

J.D.'s Narration: Oh, he is so the Soup Nazi! Trick him!
J.D.: What is it again? It's like, you're out of luck in the soup department?
Larry: NO SOUP FOR YOU!
J.D.: Ha! Rad.

J.D.'s Narration I guess the Soup Nazi was right, it is the little things that are important. Like when Elliot blows the bangs out of her face. Or how she's the only person I know who sneezes with her eyes open.
Elliot: Atchoo. Ahem. 'Scuse me.
J.D.'s Narration: And that's when I realized that I really liked all those things about Elliot, but I didn't love them... and I didn't love her.

Turk: You're making a big mistake.
J.D.: Come on, man. Elliot and I are like best friends. We love hanging out with each other. Maybe that's love. I mean, who-who knows what love really is?
Turk: I do. J.D., when I look at Carla, I see the future. I see kids, I see minivans, I see a beer gut - on me, of course, not her.
J.D.: I hope so.

Turk: Oh, my God. My future brother-in-law is an evil genius!
Elliot: I'm gonna go, uh, check on "Sally"! Ha!... Okay, not funny yet.

Carla: Have you been working on your vows?
Turk: Define "work."
Carla: It's the difference between special birthday sex and no sex on our wedding night.
Turk: Yeah, I do like the special birthday sex.

Scrubs Season 3 Quotes

You know, Benjamin, it's not a bad thing that you play with it, it's just that your mom wants you to take breaks for meals!

Dr. Norris

Carla: I'm so glad! I didn't want us to stay mad at each other!
Elliot: It's all my fault! I should never have listened to you in the first place. I mean, I need to be a strong enough doctor to just ignore you when you won't shut up.
Carla: That's so sweet.
Janitor(over PA): All available medical personnel, please report to the second floor for a cat fight. Cat fight on the second floor!