Scrubs Season 3 Quotes
Carla: I can't believe you would veto the French Riviera for our honeymoon because of the nude beaches.
Turk: Baby, the whole point of marriage is that I'm the only one who gets to see your candies and whatnot.
Carla: This guy's sick.
J.D.: Thanks.
Janitor: You're stupid!
J.D.: See, now you're just embarrassing yourself. Pick someone else to annoy!
Janitor: I don't pick 'em. They pick me!
Dr. Kelso: Dr. Murphy, how about you start us off by describing the medical condition of your patient Mr. Eronson here.
Doug: He's got hypertrophic cardiomyopathy with severe secondary pulmonary hypertension.
Dr. Kelso: Wrong. He's dead. Another one bites the dust, huh, sport?
Dr. Kelso: Next contestant, Dr. Reid.
Elliot: Mr. Murdock was admitted with a COPD exacerbation; he responded well to antibiotics and bronchial dilators* but he did develop a rash on his, um... private area.
Dr. Kelso: Sorry, on his what?
Elliot: His peepers.
Dr. Kelso: Excuse me?
Elliot: His schwing-schwong.
Dr. Cox: The, uh, the biopsy's back and I'm afraid it's positive for prostate cancer.
Randolph: Rats! Excuse my language, dear. You know what, Catherine, I can see this conversation being riddled with that kind of talk. Perhaps you should wait out in the hallway.
J.D.: Uh, you know sir, I know that it's cancer, but I'm not really worried.
Randolph: Excuse me, am I confusing cancer with some other disease?
Dr. Cox: No you're not. I think what Captain Bedside here is trying to say is that it hasn't spread to the lymph nodes yet, so it's still quite easily operable.
J.D.: Yes, and there's an opening in surgery tonight, I managed to jam you in. Look, I know this is happening awfully fast, you must have a lot of emotions swirling around, but I want you to know if you have any questions at all, I'm here.
Randolph: Do you know what channel that Queer Guy show is on?
Dr. Cox: It's okay, tell him.
J.D.: Bravo, Tuesdays at 10, 9 central, 8 Mountain.
J.D.: Well, that's easy! Just tell her about it. Tell her everything you feel.
Dr. Cox: Should I give her every reason to accept that I'm for real?
J.D.: First of all, no one understands relationships like Billy Joel, okay? "Uptown Girl" got me through high school - long story for another day. Secondly, you don't want to end up like the Randolphs back there, just not saying a word to each other, do you?... You wish we were more like the Randolphs, don't you?
Dr. Cox: God save me, I do. I reeeeally do!
Carla: So, here's your surprise: You know we'll be getting married in six months... And I just thought it would be so... hot...
Turk: Yeah?
Carla: ...if we didn't have sex again until our wedding night. Can you imagine how great that night will be?
Turk: Awww-So great! Um, how about this, though: How about... you stop having sex, but I keep having sex?
Carla: You mean like an affair?
Turk: No! I'll just have sex with you when you're sleeping.
Carla: Turk, how can you not think this idea is so romantic?
Turk: Maybe you got me confused with that little Amish boy you used to date.
Doug: Hey, Dr. Kelso, none of my patients have died today.
Dr. Kelso: Really? Mr. Ferguson's corpse begs to differ.
Doug: Darn it!
She was always yelling at Jorge in that potting shed. But she never fired him. Even after he kidnapped her and took her to Acapulco...
Elliot
Dr. Cox: Ohhhhh, my little newbie-doobie-doo! Say, that whole "telling Jordan how I feel" thing just went terrific, thank you for that. Now I need a place to crash. Where's Naomi's bedroom? Good night, roomies.
J.D.: We gotta get that lock fixed.
Turk: The only lock I gotta get fixed is the one connected to Carla's panties. I need to get a key. I need to call a locksmith. I thought I was the locksmith, man.
