Scrubs Season 3 Quotes
Turk: Then she cut me off, man, just like that. Full prison lock-down, no one gets in or out.
Dr. Cox: Man, that's tough.
J.D.: If you're not gonna use my bed, can I use it?
Dr. Cox: No you may not, on account of this whole Jordan situation being your fault.
J.D.: You told her that spending the day with the baby isn't really a job and that it's turned her into an inflexible shrew!
Dr. Cox: Newbie, you told me to tell her exactly how I feel, I did just that. Now you'll remain on the floor until you come up with a new plan for me.
J.D.: You know, Dr. Cox, I-I know this is tough on you what with you being psychotic and all, but, I'm out, okay? It's 3 a.m. and there's nothing in the world that's gonna keep me from going to sleep right now.
J.D.: What do you mean you changed your mind about surgery?
Randolph: Catherine downloaded some information on alternative treatments - diet, exercise, seed implants...
J.D.: No, sir, those are, at best, a stall. Now I know there's trepidation when you talk about surgery in the area of the penis-
Randolph: Whoa! Quick pause on the guttertalk! Catherine, hallway.
End of discussion! I'm not having the surgery. Although I don't mind that they've shaved me already. Proportionately, everything seems much... grander.
Randolph
Turk: This is a hospital, why are you playing that song?
Janitor: Ohh! You mean "We Don't Have To Take Our Clothes Off" - Jermaine Stewart's classic anthem to platonic love. No reason.
Turk: Whatever it is you're trying to do, it's not working.
Janitor: 'Course not, not with you. You're, uh... what'd you say? Untouchable. Well, anyway, back to work. New friend!
Elliot: Mr. Greenberg needs 2.4 milliunits of penicillin IM.
Carla: Why, does he have a spinkle in his gherkin?
Elliot: Carla, you're right, okay? That stuff makes me uncomfortable, and there was a time when that would've sent me into a shame spiral, but now I'm just gonna get over it at my own pace. And until then, I honestly don't mind that you're making fun of me, but what does bother me is that no one is ever allowed to make fun of you.
Carla: People can make fun of me.
Elliot: Come on! What about that delivery guy yesterday? I mean, you practically tore him a new binglebore.
Carla: But he's not my friend. My friends can make fun of me whenever they want.
Elliot: Really? Well, then, in that case you're a know-it-all smartypants and if you're not telling someone what to do, you're probably not talking.
Carla: Okay, I guess I can be a little bossy.
Laverne: A little? Girl, please! If you met Jesus hisself, you'd be trying to tell him where to park his donkey.
J.D.: Oh, are we allowed to do this now? What about that whole, like, hands on the hips, "Carla from the block" thing she does when she's mad - when she's like "Oh, Bambi, you do not want to mess me with right now."
Doug: You do sound like that.
Carla: Careful Doug, we are not that close yet.
J.D.: "Careful, Doug."
Elliot: That's what's up. Mm-mm. Mmm.
J.D.: "Doug, you better be careful, 'cause I'm Carla."
Randolph: What's he doing here? You know I don't like these people... Surgeons. Not African-Americans.
Turk: Oh!... We're actually saying "black" now, sir.
Randolph: I was right, Catherine!
J.D.: Listen sir, I brought Dr. Turk here to help you get over your fear of surgery.
Randolph: I'm not scared.
J.D.: Then what is it?
Randolph: I don't know if you've noticed, but Catherine and I don't always communicate that well.
Turk: No, I can't-
J.D.: You're joshing!
Randolph: No, it's true. But when I lay that beautiful woman down onto our bed to make love-
Turk: Wow.
J.D.: Oh, God.
Elliot: You have a... penis. And I... have a vagina!
Sean: That is so hot.
Turk: Hey, baby. I was just with a patient who made me understand what romance really means. So as far as this no-sex thing goes, I'm with you a hundred percent.
Carla: Everyone I know just spent the last two hours listing my faults. I wanna have sex. Now.
Turk: I'll get the condoms.
