Scrubs Season 4 Quotes
Janitor: Aaaand finished. I remember the bordello being a little bit bigger and there were probably a few more prostitutes, but maybe I just remember it that way 'cause I was a kid - it was my twelfth birthday. I asked for a bike. I got a 48-year-old whore.
Doug: It's beautiful. It's almost a shame I get these casts off in a week.
Janitor: A month.
Doug: A what?
Janitor: Yeah, I worked too hard on this - you can take 'em off in a month.
Doug: I'll call my orthopedist.
Elliot: Look, I have just been thinking about all of my relationships, and every time one has potential, I go too fast and ruin everything. Long story short, Jake's not getting any.
J.D.: Oh, please, you're a half a glass of wine away from nuding up and doing your go-to move.
Turk: Which is?
J.D.: Her on top, eyes closed, yelling, "Don't look at me! Don't look at me!"
Lookit, I know what you're doing in there. You think that if you act like Dr. Sad Sack that the patient's gonna opt out of surgery and I'll have to spend yet another week with a man who has such an unnatural attachment to his gallbladder that, left to his own devices, he would rent a motel room and have sex with it. Now come on, I need you to sling that "I'm gonna get freaky-deeky with my chizzle and-and slizzle up the dizzle for my...bee-aye...yitch" stuff that, you know, you do so well.Dr. Cox
Elliot: Oh God.
Jake: What is it?
Elliot: I just locked the door when a black guy walked by. Now he's gonna think that I think he's dangerous 'cause he's black; and not just black, but with an actual 'fro and everything - which, trust me, I don't find scary at all. Not like the zigzags and the cornrows and stuff. My life's ruined!
Dr. Kelso: Yeah, I'm sorry, son, I'd love to help you out, but I could give a horse's patootie about your floors.
Janitor: My floors are my children! I'VE GIVEN THEM NAMES!
Jake: Elliot, please, look, everybody has their stuff. 'Kay, like me. I'm an emotional person, but I've always had trouble expressing it. Well, here, tell me... tell me you like my shirt.
Elliot: I like your shirt.
Jake: Cool. Okay, now tell me, uh, tell me my childhood dog Buster was never put down and we're gonna be reunited this weekend. You can paraphrase.
Elliot: Uh, Buster's coming home.
Jake: Cool... See, there's no difference, and Buster meant the world to me.
No one wants to live out their last years in a hospital, but people do. There's really not much we can do for them except try to protect their dignity. And, of course, bet on them.J.D.'s Narration
I am going to yank that gallbladder out of you so fast that your spleen is gonna say to your kidney, "WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO FRANK!?!" That's right, your kidney named your gallbladder Frank.Turk
Turk: Anyway, I'm not gonna tell anyone about this because, unlike you-unlike you, I got in medicine to help people, not for my own personal glory.
Dr. Cox: Yeah, now that's just a load of crap.
Elliot: Do you guys have any other ideas?
J.D.: You know what, I really don't have time to be dealing with your little sex pickle.
Dr. Kelso: Really? She spent two years dealing with yours.
Elliot: Listen, Jake... Look, it's not that I am never going to have sex with you! I'm going to! And, believe me, when I am on top with my eyes closed and screaming, you're gonna be happy you waited!
Jake: Okay, I'm gonna go ahead and take you off speakerphone.
J.D.: Come on, Mr. Gilmore.
Turk: Come on, Colonel Mustard!... HA! Pay up.
Mr. Gilmore: Can I get some Jell-O, please?
J.D.: Jell-O is for winners.
Mr. Gilmore: What?
J.D.: I'm just kidding. We'll have some sent right to your room, big guy.