Dr. Cox: Hey now, great work back there, Gandhi. What a story, huh? Blood, bravery, illegal immigrants - it had it all. Hell, when you tell Carla about this, the next time you two have sex, there's a slight chance that she actually just might think about you.
Turk: Heh! Perry, Perry, Perry. You know what the difference between us is? Well, besides the fact that I can carry a conversation without checking my own reflection every five seconds?
Dr. Cox: I'm sorry. I-I get lost in my eyes.

Dr. Cox: Still, I probably couldn't have done it by myself, so I'd like to go ahead and recognize some of the other players who were involved. There was the intern who originally misdiagnosed the patient...
Lonnie: That's me, daddy.
J.D.: Put your hand down, Lonnie.
Dr. Cox: And then there was the resident who confirmed that misdiagnosis.
J.D.: In my defense, I was up late watching a 'Designing Women' marathon.

Dr. Cox: And, last but not least, there was the surgeon who wanted to crack open Mr. Blake's chest like a walnut and put in a pacemaker that he didn't even need. Now, he's too modest to introduce himself to the group, so I'll do the honors. He is so black, so bald, and he can't eat cupcakes because he's got diabetes. Ladies and gentlemen, Chris Turk!
Turk: Can you just get out of here so we can get back to work?
Dr. Cox: Not until people start chanting my name so that I can exit the room with my hands held high above my head in a victorious gesture. Capisce?

Elliot: Oh God.
Jake: What is it?
Elliot: I just locked the door when a black guy walked by. Now he's gonna think that I think he's dangerous 'cause he's black; and not just black, but with an actual 'fro and everything - which, trust me, I don't find scary at all. Not like the zigzags and the cornrows and stuff. My life's ruined!

J.D.'s Narration: Unfortunately for Jake, he still had to pass muster with Turk and me. And nothing is quite as daunting as our "good guy test."
J.D.: Well, I could use a beer.
Jake: I got this round. Be right back.
J.D.: Good guy.
Turk: Great guy!

Dr. Kelso: Dr. Murphy, I'd have more sympathy if this were the first time you broke both your feet working in the morgue.
Doug: Sir, it's like those corpses are out to get me!
Dr. Kelso: Heh! If only.

I know it sounds corny, but we really made a big difference in that person's life in there. I hope she digs her new cans.

Todd

Turk: What's the sex like?
Elliot: What makes you think that I have slept with him?
Dr. Kelso: For starters, you've known him more than ten minutes.

Elliot: Look, the reason I've been acting so weird and having my friends hang around us all the time is because I really think that we have a shot for something great, and I don't wanna go and ruin it by sleeping with you too fast. I mean, what was I supposed to do?
Jake: Well, you...you could have just told me that.
Elliot: Yes, but you're forgetting I'm a crazy person!

Hoffner: Why do I have to have my gallbladder taken out?
Dr. Cox: Because, Mr. Hoffner, you have gallstones.
Hoffner: Why do I have gallstones?
Dr. Cox: Did you possibly eat a large gall-boulder and then fall on your stomach?
Hoffner: Do I need my gallbladder?
Dr. Cox: Oh my God, it is a completely useless organ. Oh, wait a minute, that's not completely true. Here, it turns out, we could remove it and then jam it in your mouth to keep you from asking the same question we've been going over for three straight days.

Yeah, now that's just a load of crap. Turns out the only reason anybody ever does anything is to feed the ego. Because that's what we are - ego monsters.

Dr. Cox

All right, everybody! Gather around here, circle it up, will ya? Bring it in nice and tight. Look, I know I'm pretty quick to point out other people's mistakes but...I have a son now, and I also realize that it's important to recognize when someone does something right. Mr. Blake down in Bed 3 came in here with what seemed like a basic heart block. But someone took the time to find out that recently he'd been camping and correctly diagnosed him with Lyme Carditis. Now, I'm sure some of your are gonna think this is a silly exercise, but I'd like that someone to step forward and stick your hand up in the air so that the group can recognize your great good work. This-this is no time to be modest. Come now... Oh! My God! It was me! I did it, I'm a genius, I'm a huge brain in a ripped up body, I am Jesus H. Cox...M.D.

Dr. Cox

Scrubs Season 4 Quotes

Doug: How long do I have to stay up here?
Janitor: Just until I finish pretending to read the newspaper. Hm! Apparently there was some sort of election held recently.

Carla: Okay! I put interview guy in the lounge and told him that Elliot was with a patient. Now. How we gonna fix this thing?
Janitor: You're okay. The guy wanted an orange soda, right? We bring him an orange soda, maybe the whole thing goes away.
Carla: Okay, here's the plan: Jordan and I will take care of interview guy. Soft-Scrub, you can do whatever the hell you want.
Janitor: I will.