Elliot: Oh God.
Jake: What is it?
Elliot: I just locked the door when a black guy walked by. Now he's gonna think that I think he's dangerous 'cause he's black; and not just black, but with an actual 'fro and everything - which, trust me, I don't find scary at all. Not like the zigzags and the cornrows and stuff. My life's ruined!

J.D.'s Narration: Unfortunately for Jake, he still had to pass muster with Turk and me. And nothing is quite as daunting as our "good guy test."
J.D.: Well, I could use a beer.
Jake: I got this round. Be right back.
J.D.: Good guy.
Turk: Great guy!

Dr. Kelso: Dr. Murphy, I'd have more sympathy if this were the first time you broke both your feet working in the morgue.
Doug: Sir, it's like those corpses are out to get me!
Dr. Kelso: Heh! If only.

I know it sounds corny, but we really made a big difference in that person's life in there. I hope she digs her new cans.

Todd

Turk: What's the sex like?
Elliot: What makes you think that I have slept with him?
Dr. Kelso: For starters, you've known him more than ten minutes.

Elliot: Look, the reason I've been acting so weird and having my friends hang around us all the time is because I really think that we have a shot for something great, and I don't wanna go and ruin it by sleeping with you too fast. I mean, what was I supposed to do?
Jake: Well, you...you could have just told me that.
Elliot: Yes, but you're forgetting I'm a crazy person!

Hoffner: Why do I have to have my gallbladder taken out?
Dr. Cox: Because, Mr. Hoffner, you have gallstones.
Hoffner: Why do I have gallstones?
Dr. Cox: Did you possibly eat a large gall-boulder and then fall on your stomach?
Hoffner: Do I need my gallbladder?
Dr. Cox: Oh my God, it is a completely useless organ. Oh, wait a minute, that's not completely true. Here, it turns out, we could remove it and then jam it in your mouth to keep you from asking the same question we've been going over for three straight days.

Yeah, now that's just a load of crap. Turns out the only reason anybody ever does anything is to feed the ego. Because that's what we are - ego monsters.

Dr. Cox

All right, everybody! Gather around here, circle it up, will ya? Bring it in nice and tight. Look, I know I'm pretty quick to point out other people's mistakes but...I have a son now, and I also realize that it's important to recognize when someone does something right. Mr. Blake down in Bed 3 came in here with what seemed like a basic heart block. But someone took the time to find out that recently he'd been camping and correctly diagnosed him with Lyme Carditis. Now, I'm sure some of your are gonna think this is a silly exercise, but I'd like that someone to step forward and stick your hand up in the air so that the group can recognize your great good work. This-this is no time to be modest. Come now... Oh! My God! It was me! I did it, I'm a genius, I'm a huge brain in a ripped up body, I am Jesus H. Cox...M.D.

Dr. Cox

Elliot: I've never connected with a guy like this before. I mean, even though it's only been two weeks, I already feel like I know Jake better than I know myself.
Carla: What does he do for a living?
Elliot: I should know that.

Janitor: You paged me in the middle of a busy day! This better be important!
Dr. Kelso: What were you doing?
Janitor: Sleeping in a mop closet.

Dr. Cox: I can't clear his airway. Call 9-1-1! Let's go!
Turk: He'll be brain-dead by the time they get here-
Dr. Cox: Come on!
Turk: I'm gonna do an emergency trach. Lemme get a knife!... A clean knife!

Scrubs Season 4 Quotes

Dan: Hey, mind if I join you guys?
Dr. Cox: I think the question you should be asking is, "Mind if I diddle your ex?" Oh, and just a great big congratulations on your on-going streak of being the world's worst older brother!
Dan: Thanks, Coxy!

Okay, here it goes. Ho ho this is so weird. I don't really know what to say. Sorry I haven't visited much, I've been kinda busy. ...That's not true. Why am I lying to a slab of granite?

Carla