You know, it's ironic that cancer starts with can because at this stage there's nothing we can do about it.

Denise

J.D.: Someone needs to send those interns to an intern-ment camp.
Turk: Dude, internment camps are never funny.
J.D.'s narration: I always forget that Turk is one-eighth Japanese.

J.D.: So, this intern you mentioned earlier, I'm sure eventually he turned into a pretty amazing doctor, didn't he?
Dr. Cox: Actually, it was a she.
J.D.: It wasn't me?
Dr. Cox: Oh, no, it was you. It was you.

Dr. Maddox: You're fired.
Janitor: (holding up a photo) What about my son?
Dr. Maddox: That's my daughter!

Dr. Maddox: Do you think it would have been funny if you'd broken his neck?
Janitor: I feel like I ought to say no.
Dr. Maddox: What's your name?
Janitor: Oh boy. You really are new here. (She looks at his security pass.) Uh oh.
Dr. Maddox: "The Janitor".
Janitor: Howdy.

Sunny: Oh, he's finally gone. Talk about making a big deal over nothing, you know? I mean, Dr. Dorian was fine, but he was no better than any other doctor.
Dr. Cox: For the record, he was the best that ever came through this dump. John Dorian was the first and only doctor I ever met who cared as much as I do. And you can forget about him being a just and exceptional physician, because the fact of the matter is, he's a damn exceptional person. It's why people gravitated to him. It's why I did. He was my friend.
J.D. [appears from behind Cox]: Thank you, God. That - was - beautiful.
Dr. Cox: Oh, God, no.
J.D.: It's okay, Perry, you just said how you feel! Honestly, I am so full of your love right now, I literally could not take another drop. Brace yourself, I'm coming in.
[J.D. hugs Dr. Cox]
J.D.: You smell like a father figure.
Dr. Cox: Oh! Please stop.
J.D.: Mmmmmm...

Patient's Son: Are you new, Doctor?
J.D.: Actually it's my last day
Patient's Son: Yeah that makes sense
J.D.: That was hurtful

Carla: The only time you haven't been together was our honeymoon... [sees their looks] What?
J.D.: It's time
Turk: Honey, J.D. and I were together during our honeymoon. He flew in and stayed in the bungalow by the pool
J.D.: He forgot his favorite lotion. Was I supposed to let him get ashy?
Turk: We only hung out together when you were sleeping or when I said I was getting a massage.
J.D.: Sometimes you were... [starts massaging Turk]

Kim: Hey, J.D., since you're coming around my hospital a lot more often now, I was hoping maybe you could dress a little nicer and maybe say smell you later a little less often or just stop completely?
J.D.: Are you sure? It's hilarious
Kim: It's not.

Denise: I don't know why I keep jumping into bed with him. My confidence is shot from screwing up that spinal last week and then yesterday I misdiagnosed a ectopic pregnancy. I dunno maybe I wanted to do I knew I could do right. Like banging a dude. I'm a giant ho bag.
Elliot: No, no you're not. So is Derek a good guy?
Denise: Derek? I thought it was Eric

Carla: You are not a doctor here anymore. You will not treat yourself anymore. I'm sticking the interns on you
Kelso: Oh come on... hi!
Sunny and Howie: Hi
Kelso: What happened to your sleeve there Tex?
Howie: I sewed an orange on to it
Kelso: I'll take the foreigner
Sunny: Yay! I'm so happy!

J.D.: What do you say we change the tone a little bit and both say something nice about each other? I'll go first. Look at you. There's no way around it, you're a beautiful man
Sean: Thank you, J.D.
J.D.: Now you go
Sean: I never agreed to that
J.D.: Beautiful son of a bitch

Scrubs Season 8 Quotes

J.D.: Look Elliot, I dunno if its possible for me to put how I feel about you into words but I guess I'll give it a shot. I never really believed I'd find someone I loved as much as you. I love you more than anything in the whole world. Elliot, I love you more than Turk
Elliot: Oh my god
J.D.: It's kind of hard for me to say, but it's true

Dr. Kelso: You know, you hurt my feelings earlier.
Dr. Cox: In my defense, you are a soulless creature from the netherworld who doesn't really have feelings