Jerry: Here. Take a look at this card. Tell me if you notice anything unusual about it.
Newman: Yeah, your nipple's showing.

I just wanted to borrow your "Dust Buster."

Kramer

Volunteer work See, that's what I love about the holiday season. That's the true spirit of Christmas. People being helped by people other than me. That makes me feel good inside.

Jerry

Elaine: So, what's that?
Kramer: (not noticing) That's a nipple.
Elaine: Right!!
Kramer: (notices it) Ooo!
Elaine: Aw, great!? Didn't you see that?
Kramer: Aw, no, no I didn't notice it. No.

Kramer: What's the matter with you? I just wanted to see how tall she was.
Jerry: Oh, you're tall. She's tall I'm tall. What's the difference who's tall? We're all tall.

George: Was it a scratch or a pick?
Jerry: It was a pick!
George: Hey, it's me you're talking to! Was there any nostril penetration?
Jerry: (stutters) There may have been some accidental penetration!

(shocked) That's my nipple. My nipple's exposed. I sent this card to hundreds of people! My parents. My boss. Ah, Nana and Papa.

Elaine

Is that so unforgivable? Is that like breaking a commandment? Did God say to Moses thou shalt not pick?

Jerry

Jerry: I hate rental cars. Nothing ever works: the window doesn't work, the radio doesn't work and it smells like a cheap hooker.

(from outside the plane, we don't hear him but he is saying) KRAMER!!!!

George

You see? Never be late for a plane with a girl. Because a girl runs like a girl, with the little steps and the arms flailing out. You wanna make this plane, you've gotta run like a man! Get your knees up!

Jerry

Jerry: It smells like a cheap hooker. Or is that you?
Elaine: Give me ten bucks and find out.

Seinfeld Quotes

Kramer: THE BEACH!!! (enters the apartment) You smell like the beach. What's the name of that perfume you're wearing?
Tia: It's Ocean by CALVIN KLEIN.
Kramer: CALVIN KLEIN? No, no. That's my idea. They, they stole my idea. Y'see I had the idea of a cologne that makes you smell like you just came from the beach.
Jerry: I know look at this (shows an ad from CK)
Kramer: (shocked) Whooo! That's you! What is going on here? The gyp, he laughs at me then he steals my idea. I could have been a millionaire. I could have been a fragrance millionaire, Jerry. They're not going to get away with this. (leaves)

Hoh hoh hoh, yes! Yes...Cleveland 117, San Antonio 109.

Tor