Seinfeld

Seinfeld Quotes (Page 13)

Season 4 Episode 10: "The Virgin"

George: She's got a big crush on David Letterman, I mean a big crush. She talks about him all the time. Suppose I go up to David Letterman. He works at NBC, I work at NBC. I explain my situation. He agrees to meet her. They go out. They fall madly in love. And she dumps me for David Letterman!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Elaine: This whole sex thing is totally overrated. Now, the one thing you gotta be ready for is how the man changes into a completely different person five seconds after it's over. I mean, something happens to their personality. It's really quite astounding. It's like they committed a crime and they want to flee the scene before the police get there.
 • Rating: Unrated

George: Every time I think I'm out, they pull me back in!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Season 4 Episode 9: "The Opera"

Ticket Taker:A crazy clown is after you? Oh, that's rich!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Joe: Are you still afraid of clowns?
Kramer: Uh-huh...
 • Rating: Unrated

Elaine: Are you alright? You don't seem like yourself
Joe: Who am I?
Elaine: Good question..very existential. Who am I?..well obviously (looking at wall of photos of her)
 • Rating: Unrated

George: We'll take it.
Kramer: No.
George: No, are you crazy?
Kramer: Let me handle this.
George: That's $500 that's a great deal.
Kramer: Man, you're blowing it, the guy's a pigeon.
George: This is not a Metallica concert, it's an opera. A little dignity, a little class.
 • Rating: Unrated

Jerry: I like this opera crowd; I feel tough.
 • Rating: Unrated

Joe Davola: Hello, Jerry. It's Joe Davola. (spits) Sorry, I had a hair on my tongue. But, of course, you should know; you put it there. I know what you said about me, Seinfeld. I know you bad-mouthed me to the execs at NBC; put the kibosh on my deal. Now I'm gonna put the kibosh on you. You know I've kiboshed before, and I will kibosh again.
 • Rating: Unrated

Elaine:You know, it's so sad that all you know about high culture comes from Bugs Bunny cartoons.
 • Rating: Unrated

Jerry: The idea behind the tuxedo is the woman's point of view that men are all the same, so we might as well dress them that way. That's why a wedding is like the joining together of a beautiful glowing bride, and some guy. The tuxedo is a wedding safety device created by women because they know that men are undependable. So in case the groom chickens out, everybody just takes one step over and she marries the next guy. Thats why the wedding vow isn't "do you take Bill Simpson", it's "do you take this man."
 • Rating: Unrated

Elaine: You left your door open.
Joe Davola: I know, I like to encourage intruders.
 • Rating: Unrated

Elaine: Oh, dammit, you know I just remembered I gotta go. I left something on, the gas, the lights, the water in the tub. Something is on somewhere so Im just gonna get the uh
 • Rating: Unrated

(Loud thump is heard from the door)
Jerry: Who is it?
Kramer: It's me!
Kramer: Why are you locking the door now?
 • Rating: Unrated

Jerry: The hardest part about being a clown, it seems to me, would be that you're constantly referred to as a clown. "Who was that clown?", "I'm not working with that clown, did you hire that clown?", "The guy's a clown!". How do you even start into being a clown, how do you know that you want to be a clown, I guess you get to a point where your pants look so bad, it's actually easier to become a clown than having the proper alterations done. Because if you think about it, a clown, if there isn't a circus around them, is really just a very annoying person. You're in the back seat of this guy's Volkswagen, "What, you're picking somebody else up? Oh man!"
 • Rating: Unrated

George: Do you know the last time I wore this thing? Six years ago, when I made that toast at Bobby Leighton's wedding.
Jerry: Oh, that was a bad toast.
George: It wasn't that bad.
Jerry: I never heard anybody curse in a toast.
George: I was trying to loosen 'em up a little bit.
Jerry: There were old people there, all the relatives. You were like a Redd Foxx record. I mean, at the end of the toast nobody even drank. They were just standing there, they were just frozen! That might have been one of the worst all time toasts.
George: Alright, still her father didn't have to throw me out like that, he could have just asked me to leave. The guy had me in a headlock!
 • Rating: Unrated

Jerry: I don't like the opera. What are they singing for? Who sings? You got something to say, say it.
 • Rating: Unrated

Jerry: (to a police officer) But officer, he threatened me. I don't understand, that's not right. What if it was the President of the United States, I bet you'd investigate. Well, so what? What's the difference? I'm a comedian of the United States. And I'll tell you, I'm under just as much pressure.
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 4 Episode 8: "The Cheever Letters"

Jerry: So, she's taking about her panties, so, uh...so, I said, "You mean the panties your mother laid out for you?"
George: "The panties your mother laid out for you"? What does that mean?
Jerry: I don't know! It just popped out.
George: Well, how did she react?
Jerry: She flipped out! Just left.
George: Well, that's not offensive. It's abnormal, but it's not offensive.
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

George: Time is what he's indicating here.
 • Rating: Unrated

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