Y'know I remember when I was a kid growing up, kids would make fun of my name like you wouldn't believe - 'Jerry Jerry Dingleberry', 'Seinsmelled'

Jerry

The Doctor: I have no medical evidence to back me up, but something happened during the operation that staved off that infection. Something beyond science. Something perhaps from above
Kramer: Mint?
The Doctor: Those can be very refreshing.

Jerry, are you blind?! He's a writer. He said his name was Sal Bass. Bass, Jerry! Instead of salmon he went with bass. He just substituted one fish for another!

</i> Kramer

Elaine: I never knew you were so into breasts. I thought you were a leg man.
Jerry: A leg man? Why would I be a leg man? I don't need legs. I have legs.

(to Jerry) Just when I think you're the shallowest man I've ever met, you somehow manage to drain a little more out of the pool.

Elaine

I usually last about ten minutes on the stairmaster. Unless, of course, there's someone stretching in front of me in a leotard, then I can go an hour. That's why they call it the stairmaster. You get up there and you stare.

Jerry

Kramer: Come on, what's wrong with my boys?
Jerry: Your boys should stay in their neighborhood.

And by the way. They're real, and they're spectacular!

Sidra

(George double-dips a chip, and Timmy rushes over to him after seeing what he did)
Timmy: What are you doing?
George: What?
Timmy: Diddid you just double-dip that chip?
George: Excuse me?
Timmy: You double-dipped the chip!
George: Double-dipped? What are you talking about?
Timmy: You dipped the chip, you took a bite, and you dipped again.
George: So?
Timmy: That's like putting your whole mouth right in the dip! From now on, when you take a chip, just take one dip and end it!

You know, uh... They're fake.

Elaine

(while in the sauna) Whew. It's like a sauna in here.

Kramer

Elaine: Come on. Don't you think they seem a bit too perfect?Jerry: Yes they do!

Seinfeld Quotes

George: I like sports. I could do something in sports.
Jerry: Uh-huh. Uh-huh. In what capacity?
George: You know, like the general manager of a baseball team or something.
Jerry: Yeah. Well, that - that could be tough to get.
George: Well, it doesn't even have to be the general manager. Maybe I could be like, an announcer. Like a colour man. You know how I always make those interesting comments during the game.
Jerry: Yeah. Yeah. You make good comments.
George: What about that?
Jerry: Well, they tend to give those jobs to ex-ballplayers and people that are, you know, in broadcasting.
George: Well, that's really not fair.
Jerry: I know. Well, okay. Okay. What else do you like?
George: Movies. I like to watch movies.
Jerry: Yeah. Yeah.
George: Do they pay people to watch movies?
Jerry: Projectionists.
George: That's true.
Jerry: But you gotta know how to work the projector.
George: Right.
Jerry: And it's probably a union thing.
George: (scoffs) Those unions. (sighs) Okay. Sports, movies what about a talk show host?
Jerry: Talk show host. That's good.
George: I think I'd be good at that. I talk to people all the time. Someone even told me once they thought I'd be a good talk show host.
Jerry: Really?
George: Yeah. A couple of people. I don't get that, though. Where do you start?
Jerry: Well, that's where it gets tricky.
George: You can't just walk into a building and say "I wanna be a talk show host".
Jerry: I wouldn't think so.
George: It's all politics.
Jerry: All right, okay. Sports, movies, talk show host. What else?
George: This could have been a huge mistake.
Jerry: Well, it doesn't sound like you completely thought this through.

Punk Dude: Hey Kramer, have you ever killed a man?!
Kramer: What do you think Junior? You think these hands - they've been soaking in Ivory Liquid?