Seinfeld

Seinfeld Quotes (Page 6)

Season 4 Episode 16: "The Shoes"

Jerry: (on men) We're like some kind of weird fish where the eyes operate independently of the head.
 • Rating: Unrated

Kramer: I understand women. The snub is good. They love the snub.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Season 4 Episode 15: "The Visa"

Elaine: Who'd you punch?
Kramer: Mickey Mantle.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Babu: (to Jerry) You're a very bad man.
 • Rating: Unrated

George: I'm disturbed, I'm depressed, I'm inadequate. I've got it all!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

George: Kramer goes to a Fantasy camp? His whole life is a fantasy camp! People should plunk down $2,000 to live like him for a week. Do nothing, fall ass backwards in the money, mooch food off your neighbors and have sex without dating; now that's a fantasy camp.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

George: Jerry is dark and disturbed? His whole life revolves around Superman and cereal!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Jerry: Well, birthdays are really symbolic of how another year has gone by and how little we've grown. No matter how desperate we are that someday a better self will emerge, with each flicker of the candles on the cake we know it's not to be, that for the rest of our sad, wretched, pathetic life, this is who we are to the bitter end, inevitably, irrevocably happy birthday? No such thing.
 • Rating: Unrated

Cheryl: You're a very serious person, aren't you?
Jerry: Well, with so many people in the world deprived and unhappy, it doesn't
seem like it would be fair to be cheerful.
Cheryl: I understand.
 • Rating: Unrated

Elaine: Snapple?
Babu's Brother: No, too fruity.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Jerry: Why don't we just say give us the unhappy, the sad, the slow, the ugly, people that can't drive, if they have trouble merging, if they can't stay in their lane, if they don't signal, if they can't parallel park, if they're sneezing, if they're stuffed up, if they're clogged, if they have bad penmanship, don't return calls, if they have dandruff, food between their teeth, if they have bad credit, if they have no credit, missed a spot shaving.
 • Rating: Unrated

George: I have no funny friends. I'm the funny one. El-Clowno!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Babu's brother: Where is Babu? What happened to Babu? Show me Babu!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Cheryl: Do you ever laugh?
Jerry: Not really. Sometimes, when I'm in the tub.
Cheryl: That's so sad. What do you do?
Jerry: I'm a comedian.
 • Rating: Unrated

Jerry: Hey, I've been back four days, I want my mail.
Elaine: It's mostly bills, magazines, and junk mail anyway.
Jerry: Elaine, that's what mail is. Without bills, magazines, and junk mail, there is no mail.
 • Rating: Unrated

Elaine: (about George) He thinks that if a woman sees a guy put on a better show, she'll walk out on his show and go see the other show.
 • Rating: Unrated

George:(to Jerry) Would it kill you not to be so funny all the time? That's all I'm askin'. This woman thinks I'm very funny and now you're gonna be funny, so what am I gonna be? I'm gonna be a short bald guy with glasses who suddenly doesn't seem so funny.
 • Rating: Unrated

George: Toasting makes me uncomfortable, but toast I love. Never start the day without a good piece of toast. In fact, let's toast to toast.
 • Rating: Unrated

Elaine: The turbo quadramatic transmission offers you the power and prestige to propel you well into the twenty-first century.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

George: Nobody is sicker than me.
 • Rating: Unrated

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