Seinfeld

Seinfeld Season 2 Quotes (Page 9)

Season 2 Episode 3: "The Jacket"

Jerry: This jacket has completely changed my life.
George: Can I say one thing to you? And I say this with an unblemished record of staunched heterosexuality. It's fabulous.
 • Rating: 2.0 / 5.0

George: I just wanted to tell you that I really enjoyed Fair Game. I thought it was just brilliant.
Mr. Benes: Drivel.
George: Maybe some parts.
Mr. Benes: What parts?
George: The drivel parts.
 • Rating: Unrated

George: And I'll tell you something else, I'm not even going to ask you. I want to know. But I'm not gonna ask. You'll tell me when you feel comfortable. So what was it? Four hundred? Five hundred? Did you pay five hundred for this? (Jerry coyly ignores George's questions, while George grows increasingly serious.) Over six? Can't be seven. Don't tell me you paid seven hundred dollars for this jacket! Did you pay seven hundred dollars for this jacket? Is that what you're saying to me? You are sick! Is that what you paid for this jacket? Over seven hundred? What did you pay for this jacket? I won't say anything. I wanna know what you paid for this jacket! Oh my God! A thousand dollars? You paid a thousand dollars for this jacket? All right, fine. (George heads for the door) I'm walking outta here right now thinking you paid a thousand dollars for this jacket, unless you tell me different. (Jerry remains silent) Oh, ho! All right! I'll tell you what, if you don't say anything in the next five seconds, I'll know it was over a thousand.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Jerry: I had a leather jacket that got ruined. Now, why does moisture ruin leather? I don't get this. Aren't cows outside most of the time? I don't understand it. When it's raining do cows go up to the farmhouse, "Let us in, we're all wearing leather. Open the door! We're gonna ruin the whole outfit here!" "Is it suede?" "I am suede, the whole thing is suede, I can't have this cleaned. It's all I got!"
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Mr. Benes: Are you working?
Elaine: Yeah, I'm reading manuscripts for Pendant Publishing. I told you ten times.
Mr. Benes: Pendant, those bastards!
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 2 Episode 2: "The Pony Remark"

Jerry: I didn't know she had a pony. How was I to know she had a pony? Who figures an immigrant's going to have a pony? Do you know what the odds are on that? I mean, in all the pictures I saw of immigrants on boats coming into New York harbor, I never saw one of them sitting on a pony. Why would anybody come here if they had a pony? Who leaves a country packed with ponies to come to a non-pony country? It doesn't make sense.. am I wrong?
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Helen: (to Jerry) At least come and say hello, have a cup of coffee, then you'll leave.
Morty: How come he gets to leave?
 • Rating: Unrated

Jerry: If I have to sit next to Uncle Leo, I am leaving, He's always grabbin' my arm when he talks to me. That's probably because so many people have left in the middle of his conversation.
 • Rating: Unrated

Jerry: (to Monya) These peas are bursting with country fresh flavor.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Jerry: I don't even know them. What is she, your second cousin? I mean, I've met them three times in my life.
Morty: I don't know her either. She makes me fly all the way from Florida for this, and then she criticizes my jacket.
 • Rating: Unrated

Jerry: He talks about him like he split the atom. He works for the Parks Department.
 • Rating: Unrated

Kramer: You don't think I can do it.
Jerry: I know that you can't, and I'm positive that you won't.
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Elaine: And what about the pony huh? What kind of abnormal animal is that?
Jerry: They're like big riding dogs.
 • Rating: Unrated

George: I just don't see what purpose is it going to serve your going? I mean, you think dead people care who's at the funeral? They don't even know they're having a funeral. It's not like she's hanging out in the back going, "I can't believe Jerry didn't show up".Elaine: Maybe she's there in spirit. How about that?George: If you're a spirit, and you can travel to other dimensions and galaxies, and find out the mysteries of the universe, you think she's going to want to hang around Drexler's funeral home on Ocean Parkway?
 • Rating: Unrated

George: I cannot envision any circumstance in which I'll ever have the opportunity to have sex again. How's it gonna happen? I just don't see how it could occur.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

(George, Jerry and Elaine are sitting at a table. Jerry and George are wearing baseball uniforms.)
George: Who gets picked off in softball? It's unheard of.
Jerry: It's never happened to me before.
Elaine: I remember saying to myself, "Why is Jerry so far off the base?"
Jerry: I'll have to live with this shame for the rest of my life.
(George consults his stat sheet of the game)
George: And then in the fifth inning, why did you take off on the pop fly?
Jerry: I thought there were two outs.
Elaine: I couldn't believe it when I saw you running. (laughing) I thought maybe they had changed the rules or something.
Jerry: It was the single worst moment of my life.
George: What about Sharon Besser?
Jerry: Oh, well, of course. Nineteen seventy three.
Elaine: Makes you wonder, though, doesn't it?
Jerry: Wonder about what?
Elaine: You know (looking up) the spirit world.
Jerry: You think Manya showed up during the game and put a hex on me?
Elaine: I never saw anyone play like that.
Jerry: But I went to the funeral.
Elaine: Yeah, but that doesn't make up for killing her.
George: Maybe Manya missed the funeral because she was off visiting another galaxy that day.
Jerry: Don't you think she would've heard I was there?
George: Not necessarily.
(pause)
Jerry: Who figures an immigrant's gonna have a pony?
(Elaine laughs)
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Jerry: I hate anybody who had a pony growing up.
Manya: I had a pony!
Jerry: Well, I didn't mean a pony per se
Manya: When I was a little girl in Poland, we all had ponies. My sister had pony, my cousin had pony. So, what's wrong with that?
Jerry: Nothing. Nothing at all. I was just expressing
Helen: Should we have coffee? Who's having coffee?
Manya: He was a beautiful pony. And I loved him!
Jerry: Well, I'm sure you did. Who wouldn't love a pony? Who wouldn't love a person who had a pony?
Manya: You! You said so!
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Season 2 Episode 1: "The Ex-Girlfriend"

Marlene: I can't be with someone if I don't respect what they do.
Jerry: You're a cashier!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

George: I had nothing to do with any of this! I met all her friends, I didn't want to meet them. I kept trying to avoid it, I knew it would only get me in deeper, but they were everywhere! They kept popping up, all over the place. "This is Nancy, this is Susan, this is Amy.. This is my cusin.. this is my bruther.. this is my father..." It's like I'm in quicksand!
 • Rating: Unrated

Nurse: Mr. Costanza, the doctor will see you now.
George: (sarcastically) Yeah doctor
 • Rating: Unrated

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