Seinfeld

Seinfeld Season 2 Quotes (Page 8)

Season 2 Episode 5: "The Apartment"

Jerry: You have no idea what an idiot is. Elaine just gave me a chance to get out and I didn't take it. This (pointing to himself) is an idiot.
George: Is that right? I just threw away a lifetime of guilt-free sex, and floor seats for every sporting event in Madison Square Garden. So please, a little respect, for I am Costanza, Lord of the Idiots.
Roxanne: (Yelling out the window) You're all winners!
George: But suddenly, a new contender has emerged.
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 2 Episode 4: "The Phone Message"

George: Tippy Toe, Lemon Tree.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Carol: (to George) That's what you had to tell me? Your father wears sneakers in the pool?
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

George: (to Carol) Jerry has a fear of public toilets.
 • Rating: Unrated

Kramer: One hundred percent cotton-Dockers. If they're not Dockers, they're just pants.
 • Rating: Unrated

Carol: Would you like to come upstairs for coffee?George: No, thanks, I can't drink coffee late at night. It keeps me up.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

George: "Coffee"'s not coffee, "coffee" is sex!
 • Rating: Unrated

George: The light is blinking: "Come and listen to the idiot!"
 • Rating: Unrated

Jerry: Kramer, this is Donna.
Kramer: (snaps fingers) Cotton Dockers!
 • Rating: 3.5 / 5.0

Donna: I asked some friends of mine this week, and all of them liked the commercial.
Jerry: (sarcastic) Boy, I bet you got a regular Algonquin round table there.
 • Rating: Unrated

Jerry: I'm lactose intolerant. I have no tolerance for lactose and I won't stand for it!
 • Rating: Unrated

Jerry: I love my phone machine. I wish I was a phone machine. I wish if I saw somebody on the street I didn't want to talk to, I could go, "Excuse me; I'm not in right now. If you would just leave a message, I could walk away." I also have a cordless phone, but I don't like that as much, because you can't slam down a cordless phone. You get mad at somebody on a real phone "You can't talk to me like that!" Bang! You know. You get mad at somebody on a cordless phone "You can't talk to me like that!" (Jerry searches for the 'off' button on his mimed phone, and presses it feebly, in a comedic sort of way) "I told him!"
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Elaine: (to George) I don't know what your parents did to you.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

George: Instead of doing a wash, I just keep buying underwear. My goal is to have over 360 pair. That way I only have to do wash once a year.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Season 2 Episode 3: "The Jacket"

Elaine: My father thinks George is gay.
Jerry: Because of all the singing?
Elaine: No, he pretty much thinks everyone is gay.
 • Rating: 2.0 / 5.0

Mr. Benes: Pipe down, chorus boy.
 • Rating: Unrated

Jerry: How are we going to get out of it?
George: We'll say we're frightened and we have to go home.
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

George: (mocking Alton Benes) He's in the bathroom.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

George: (singing) Master of the house, doling out the charm
(later)
Mr. Benes: (singing) Master of the house, keeper of the inn
 • Rating: 1.5 / 5.0

Mr. Benes: We had a funny guy with us in Korea. Tailgunner. They blew his brains out all over the Pacific There's nothing funny about that.
 • Rating: 3.0 / 5.0

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