Kramer: Well, it's these people-- they go swimmin' in the winter. They're terrific; I just took my first swim today. Brrrrrrr! It's invigorating.
Jerry: Yeah So's shock therapy.

Intervener #1: He's here! What do we do?Intervener #2: Hide!Jerry: It's not a surprise party!

I don't have a good apartment for an intervention. The furniture is very non-confrontational.


I've got so much hand I'm coming out of my glove.


Jerry: Anyone who would laugh at a recital is probably some sort of lunatic anyway. I mean, only a sick, twisted mind could be that rude and ignorant.
Elaine: Well, maybe some mental defective put something stupid on her leg.
Jerry: Even if this so-called mental defective did put something on her leg, she's still the one who laughed.

George: (working on a crossword) What's a three letter word for candy?Jerry: I could never do those things.

I have no power. Why should she have the upper hand? Once in my life I would like the upper hand. I have no hand. No hand at all. She has the hand. I have no hand.


I get the feeling when lesbians are looking at me, they're thinking, "that's why I'm not heterosexual."


Naked Man: I'm not ashamed of my body.Jerry: That's your problem. You should be.

His mother was a mudder!


No, no, no, you don't understand! I'm not a lesbian! I hate men, but I'm not a lesbian!


Woman: I started riding these trains in the '40s. Those days a man would give up their seat for a woman. Now we're liberated and we have to stand.
Elaine: It's ironic.
Woman: What's ironic?
Elaine: This -- that we've come all this way, we've made all this progress, but, you know, we've lost the little things, the niceties.
Woman: No, I mean what does "ironic" mean?

Seinfeld Season 3 Quotes

George: A man gave me a massage.
Jerry: So?
George: So he had his hands and, uh, he was
Jerry: He was what?
George: He was touching and rubbing.

Raymond: (massaging George's hamstring) How did you do this?
George: (VERY tense) Do what?
Raymond: How did you hurt your hamstring?
George: (quickly) I dunno
Raymond: You don't know?
George: I dunno
Raymond: Okay, where did this happen?
George: (Quickly again) Korea.
Raymond: Korea?
George: Korea.
Raymond: You hurt yourself in Korea?
George: I dunno.