Look at me, I can't go to jail. I might as well wear heels.


Maybe a vulva, I hear those are real safe.

Sheila [about a car]

Ian: Hey Fiona? I'm gay.
Fiona: I know.

I banged Filipino hookers in the Navy that look more innocent than my niece.

Bar Patron

Carl: They give you a cavity search.
Lip: No we weren't there long enough, think it was probably on the menu though.

You're Frank's kid? And this is your first felony bust? Gettin a little late start for a Gallagher, aren't ya.

Cop [to Lip]

Aww you guys popped your cherry! Hey you see my dad in there?


Candace: More cookies to sell?
Debbie: Is Jimmy here?
Candace: No he's back at school in Michigan.
Debbie: No, he's living 96 blocks away on the Southside, dating my sister, stealing cars, and going by the name of Steve.

So uh, Kev, just out of curiosity, you happen to know the age of consent in Illinois?


You just made my boy parts get bigger.


It's bad enough that my cookie box is all stretched out.


Well the food's not so great, but the pussy's pretty good.

Grammy Gallagher

Shameless Season 1 Quotes

Wanna see me make a Mangina?


Lip: What exactly does hooked up mean?
Kevin: Last I checked penis goes into the vagina.