South Park
Wednesdays 10:00 PM on Comedy CentralPopular South Park Quotes
Cartman: If a girl pulled that with me I'd be like: "Yo! Why don't you start dressing me up like a mailman and making me dance for you while you go smoke crack and have sex with some guy in my dad's bed"!
Kyle: Dude, what the hell are you talking about?
Cartman: I'm just saying Stan's a wuss is all.
Mr. Hat: I'm your friend, Mr. Hat, Stan. You can tell me anything. Now, who hits you? Is it your father or your mother?
Stan: Well, neither one. It's my sister.
Mr. Garrison: Your sister? For God's sake, quit being such a little wuss! Stop wasting Mr. Hat's time with pansy, little fu-fu problems. And give me back my cocoa!
Dr. Mephisto: Have you you kids seen anything unusual lately?
Kyle: We just saw an elephant have sex with a pig.
Dr. Mephisto: No, I said unusual.
Kyle: The next time Shelly is going to hit you tell her: "Shelly, you're my sister and I love you."
Kenny: And I want to take off your bra.
Stan: Sick dude! She's my sister.
Kyle: Try it!
With genetic engineering we can correct all of God's horrible mistakes, like German people.
Dr. Mephisto
Grandpa: What about you? You can kill me, can't you?
Cartman: I would never kill somebody... Not unless they pissed me off.
Grandpa: Oh, is that a fact?? Well, let me tell you something, porky! Your mom was over here earlier today, and I humped her like a little bitch!
Cartman: What?!
Grandpa: That's right!
Stan: Grandpa!
Grandpa: And then, I dug up your great-grandma's skeleton and had my way with her, too!
Cartman: (angered) Eh...
Grandpa: Choice piece of ass your great-grandma was...
Cartman: YOU PIECE OF CRAP; I'LL KILL YOU!!!
Grandpa: That's the spirit, tubby!
Stan: (pulling Cartman away) C'mon, Cartman. He's just trying to get to you.
Cartman: (getting dragged away) Don't you EVER talk about my mom like that again!
Grandpa: Did I ever tell you about the time I boffed your dad, fatso??
What has America's youth come to? Kids won't even kill their own grandparents.
Grandpa
Caller: Jesus, this is...
Jesus: Martin, from Aspen. Yes, I know.
Caller: How'd you know that?
Jesus: Maybe because I'm the son of God, brainiac.
I think I got that stomach flu from Kenny. I'm getting the green apple splatters!
Mr. Garrison
Stan: Jesus, what happens if someone really wants to die and you kill him?
Jesus: I'm not touching that with a sixty foot pole.
Stan: Goddammit!
Jesus: I heard that.
Randy Marsh: I think I'm getting that stomach flu you gave me.
Mr. Garrison: It's that little Kenny bastard that gave it to me.
(the mayor exits the porta-potty)
Randy: Hey, mayor. Were you making gravy in there?
Mayor: I just gave birth to a brown baby boy.
Stan: What's gonna be for lunch today Chef?
Chef: Well, today it's Salisbury steak with buttered noodles, and a choice of green bean casserole, or vegetable medley.
Cartman: Kickass.
