South Park

Wednesdays 10:00 PM on Comedy Central
South park
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Kyle: You especially can't say anything about Jews.
Cartman: Oh Jesus why don't you just cut off my balls!?

Dude, a self hating Jew? You are becoming a stereotype.

Stan

Here with the report is a Hispanic man with some gravy stains on his lapel.

News Anchorman

Why is it so cold in here? I mean I know we're in the mountains, but does that mean we have to freeze to death?

Kyle the super Jew

That's it! A gyroscope. It will allow for maximum balance andMr. Hat, you're a genius!

Mr. Garrison

What's this comfortable filled with? It isn't down is it?

Kyle, the super Jew

Oh that's right, we have 2 Kyles now. We'll just call you Kyle, and you Kyle2.

Sheila

Listen guys, I appreciate you wanting me around but the fact of the matter is You guys are just kinda douche-bags.

Kyle's Cousin Kyle (<i>to Kyle, Cartman, and Stan</i>)

Kyle's Cousin Kyle: I gotta get back to Connecticut.
Sheila: Now that things have changed for Kyle, his mother needs him back.
Kyle: Do you promise! I mean oh That's too bad dude What changed for you?
Kyle's Cousin Kyle: Well I invested in that IT thing and there was a bailout so I received a 5 million dollar bailout cross-cheque which I can use to help my family so I guess good-bye, cousin.
Kyle: See ya cousin, hope to see you soon. (whispers)Not too soon I hope.
(The boys all snicker)
(After a few seconds)The Boys (in unison): 5 MILLION DOLLARS?!

Kyle: This is taking too long. The flight to Connecticut is gonna leave. Hey can we speed things up here?!
Airport Inspector: Err sorry but ever since that IT thing came out Airline had to cut back on employees.
Kyle: Dude we're the only ones here. How long does it take 5 people to get through security?
Airport Inspector: Derr let's see, 4 people plus times divided Two hours domestic three hours international.
Kyle's Cousin Kyle: Can't we just play hide and seek at home?
Kyle: No!
Airport Inspector (finds something in Kenny's pockets): Aha! What's this a toenail clipper! Die terrorist!!
(shoots Kenny in the head)

Kyle: How far do you think it is to Connecticut?
Stan: At least a couple hours.
Kyle: Do you think he'll be okay?
Cartman (walking off): He's fine!

Kyle's Cousin Kyle: You, you paid your friends to not make fun of me?
Kyle: Look, it's not because anything's wrong with you.
Kyle's Cousin Kyle: Wow, uh, you think it takes $40 to get people to like me.
Kyle: Kyle, I-I'm sorry
Kyle's Cousin Kyle: Becuase I mean I really think you could have done it for about 12.50.
Kyle: What?
Kyle's Cousin Kyle: Well, I mean, you didn't just start at 40, did you? You you gotta low-ball these things so you have a place to go.
Kyle: [amazed] Oh, dude.

Displaying quotes 1 - 12 of 15 in total

South Park Season 5 Episode 11 Quotes

Dude, a self hating Jew? You are becoming a stereotype.

Stan

Kyle: You especially can't say anything about Jews.
Cartman: Oh Jesus why don't you just cut off my balls!?