Wednesdays 10:00 PM on Comedy Central

Stan: She killed Kenny!
Kyle: You Bastard!

Mr. Garrison: Yeah, I tell you, boys... Women can kill, poontang's expensive; that's why when it comes to chicks, I just screw them and leave em. I say "Get out my bedroom, poontang, before you suck my life dry!".
Stan: Thanks, Mr. Garrison.
Mr. Garrison: Sure, kids.
(The boys leave the classroom.)
Mr. Garrison: (as Mr. Hat) Your not fooling anyone. (normal voice) Shut your hole, Mr. Hat!

(to Eye Doctor) If you call me piggy one more time, I am going to seriously rip your god damn nuts off with my bare hands!


That bitch, she's stealing Chef from us.


Chefs love song:
Sometimes you fall in love!
And you think you'll feel that way forever!
You change your life and ignore your friends cause you think it can't get any better!
But then love goes away, no matter what it doesn't stay as strong!
And then your left with nothin cause your thinking with your dong!
So watch out for that lover! It can destroy like a typhoon wind!
Just play it cool and don't be a fool!
Mr.Garrison: And never let poontang come between you and your friend!
Chef: Damn Right Garrison!

Chef's Dad: You crackers want to hear about the time we saw the Loch Ness monster?
Stan: Nah, that's okay.
Chef's Dad: Oh, it must have been about 7, 8 years ago... Me and the little lady were on this boat, you see... All alone at night when all of a sudden, a huge creature, a giant crustacean from the Paleozoic era, comes out of the water!
Chef's Mom: We were so scared, lord-have-mercy. I jumped up in the boat and said "Thomas! What on earth is that creature?!".
Chef's Dad: It stood above us looking down with its big red eyes...
Chef's Mom: Oh, it was scary.
Chef's Dad: And I stood up and yelled "What do you want from us, monster?!", and he bent down and said "I need to borrow treefiddy...".
Kyle: What's "treefiddy"?
Chef's Dad: Three dollars and fifty cents.

Okay, time to laser the little piggy.

Eye Doctor

But mom, I have to tell Chef that he's marrying a succubus!


Chef's Mom: Oh, Lord he was angry.
Chef's Dad: Damn right I was angry...
Chef's Mom: No, not you, the monster; he was about to kick yo' ass.

Displaying quotes 1 - 9 of 25 in total