South Park
Wednesdays 10:00 PM on Comedy CentralSouth Park Season 4 Quotes
Will somebody put this retard out of his misery?
Cartman
Mr. Mackey: Now Eric, all these people came here and paid to send you to camp because they care about you.
Mr. Garrison: Yeah except for me, I just wanted to see the look on your face when we told you.
(Cartman is selling candy at the fat camp he is attending and is approached by a fellow camper who is crying.)
Cartman: Why are you crying Chad?
Chad: Cause I'm always gonna be fat, I don't want to eat no sweets but I can't control myself when there right in front of me like this (continues crying) all my life I've been fat, I've been to seven camp and I swore to my momma that I'd lose the weight, I want too but I can't help myself. (continues crying).
Cartman: Hey Chad, do you know what you need? You need a friend.
Chad I do?
Cartman: Yes a chocolate friend. Mr. Candybar doesn't judge you Chad, Mr. Candybar likes you just the way you are. Look how yummy and sweet he is.
(Chad, still crying, takes the offered candy bar.)
Cartman: There you go, that'll just be four dollars.
(Chad, who is still crying, pays Cartman and begins to eat)
Cartman: There you go.
Phillip: I say Terrance, it appears the body has been moved since the murder.
Terrance: I don't see anything.
Phillip: Look closer...(Aiming ass at Terrance)
Phillip: Closer...(Small fart)
Phillip only: Ahahaha!
(Terrance on ladder farts a huge fart in Phillips face knocking him into the wall)
Both: Ahahahahaha!
Prostitute song:
Chef: But a prostitute is someone who would love you,
No matter who you are, or what you look like.
Yes, it's true, children.
That's not why you pay a prostitute,
No, you don't pay her to stay; you pay her to leave afterwards.
That's why I pay's a lot for prostitutes! Ladies and Gentlemen, Mr. James Taylor.
James Taylor: A prostitute is like any other woman,
They all trade something for sex and they do it well.
Chef: And that's why I say-
Chef and James Taylor: Prostitutes! Prostitutes! They-
Chef: Oohhhh (sees Principal Victoria) James Taylor, what the hell are you doing in here?! Singing about prostitutes to the children! Get out of here! (Principal Victoria gives Chef an evil look) These children tricked me!
(about the manatee's the class is going to dissect)
Butters: HEY! Ours is still alive!
Mrs. Choksondik: Oh, hold on. (takes brick and pounds on the manatee's skull)
Stan: (after the fake Kenny suffocates in Miss Crabtree's uterus) Oh my God! They killed Kenny! Sort of.
Kyle: Yeah! They killed Kenny... 's look-alike. You bastards!
Kyle: Dude, I don't know if I'm going to like the new Eric Cartman.
Stan: Did you like the old one?
Kyle: Good point.
Announcer: Alright Miss Crabtree, your cervix has been dialated, and your womb has been fitted with oxygen. How do you feel?
Miss Crabtree: I feel great! I haven't had this much attention paid to my cooch since I was seventeen!
Cartman: Mom, tell them. Tell them I'm not fat, I'm just big boned. Tell them all the stories about how everyone in your family was big as a child but then grew into their bodies.
Liane: Oh sweetie, those were all lies. You're just fat.
PIP, WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN!
</i> Mrs. Joe
Oh look here! I've gone and made a metal newspaper!
Joe
