South Park

Wednesdays 10:00 PM on Comedy Central
South park
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Dude are you from Mars or something?


(crying while on his Logride) I'm so happy!


(after hearing the story of Job in the Bible)
Kyle: That's the most horrible story I've ever heard. Why would God do such a horrible thing to a good person just to prove a point to Satan?
Gerald: Oh. Uh, I don't know.
Kyle: Then I was right. Job has all his children killed, and Michael Bay gets to keep making movies. There isn't a God.

Agent: I'm Frank Garrett with the IRS. You haven't kept records of your income or payout, and there's a five hundred thousand dollar discrepancy. Seize the assets. (they grab money)
Cartman: H-Hey, that's my money!
Agent: There's also the lawsuit of the little boy who died in your park. The family's entitled to the rest of this. [takes the rest of the money]
Cartman: What? Kenny? He dies all the time!

Priest Maxi: Eric, God could sure use that money for a bigger church.
Cartman: Huh, I think God has plenty of money.

...And, since the stupid security guard needs video surveillance, I have to let in two more people a day to cover those expenses... Need to cover the new ticket guy's salary, so that's three more admissions a day... Cleanup crew for the bathroom, money to cover paint and upkeep, so that's about four admissions, that brings the grand total to... God-dammit! Eight hundred and sixteen people can come into the park today!


Little Boy: Daddy, Daddy can we ride the rockets?

Earth Day Person: And Terrance and Phillip are more important than Mother Earth?
Cartman: Well yeah, dude.

(waves hand) Global warming is going to kill us all. The Republicans are responsible.

Earth Day Person

Earth Day Person: (waves hands) You don't care about Terrance and Phillip. Nothing matters more than saving the planet from Republicans. You don't need to see Terrance and Phillip.
Stan: No, dude, we really, really do.
Earth Day Person: (to woman) Their will is strong.

Nothing is more important than the environment, boys. Not even your lives!

Earth Day Person

Cartman: Look, if you don't come and do the show, I'll make you eat your parents.
Phillip: Yeah, whatever, kid.
Stan: He'll do it, dude.

Displaying quotes 169 - 180 of 253 in total

South Park Season 5 Quotes

Well, you know what I say about kids, they're all pink on the inside.

Mr. Grazier

Just because somebody's gay, doesn't mean they molest children. Straight people do that too.

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