South Park

Wednesdays 10:00 PM on Comedy Central
South park
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Dude are you from Mars or something?

Cartman

(crying while on his Logride) I'm so happy!

Cartman

(after hearing the story of Job in the Bible)
Kyle: That's the most horrible story I've ever heard. Why would God do such a horrible thing to a good person just to prove a point to Satan?
Gerald: Oh. Uh, I don't know.
Kyle: Then I was right. Job has all his children killed, and Michael Bay gets to keep making movies. There isn't a God.

Agent: I'm Frank Garrett with the IRS. You haven't kept records of your income or payout, and there's a five hundred thousand dollar discrepancy. Seize the assets. (they grab money)
Cartman: H-Hey, that's my money!
Agent: There's also the lawsuit of the little boy who died in your park. The family's entitled to the rest of this. [takes the rest of the money]
Cartman: What? Kenny? He dies all the time!

Priest Maxi: Eric, God could sure use that money for a bigger church.
Cartman: Huh, I think God has plenty of money.

...And, since the stupid security guard needs video surveillance, I have to let in two more people a day to cover those expenses... Need to cover the new ticket guy's salary, so that's three more admissions a day... Cleanup crew for the bathroom, money to cover paint and upkeep, so that's about four admissions, that brings the grand total to... God-dammit! Eight hundred and sixteen people can come into the park today!

Cartman

Little Boy: Daddy, Daddy can we ride the rockets?
Cartman: GOD DAMMIT, GET THE F*CK OUT OF MY WAY!

Earth Day Person: And Terrance and Phillip are more important than Mother Earth?
Cartman: Well yeah, dude.

(waves hand) Global warming is going to kill us all. The Republicans are responsible.

Earth Day Person

Earth Day Person: (waves hands) You don't care about Terrance and Phillip. Nothing matters more than saving the planet from Republicans. You don't need to see Terrance and Phillip.
Stan: No, dude, we really, really do.
Earth Day Person: (to woman) Their will is strong.

Nothing is more important than the environment, boys. Not even your lives!

Earth Day Person

Cartman: Look, if you don't come and do the show, I'll make you eat your parents.
Phillip: Yeah, whatever, kid.
Stan: He'll do it, dude.

Displaying quotes 169 - 180 of 253 in total

South Park Season 5 Quotes


Beef and lamb, chicken and ham,
Step to the left and clap your hands.
Gosh we love that chicken and ham.
Don't let it go to waste, chicken and ham.
clapping sound
Beef and lamb, chicken and ham,
Step to the left and clap your hands.
Got a little left, chicken and ham.
Don't let it go to waste, chicken and ham.
Beef and lamb, chicken and ham,
Step to the left and clap your hands.
Gosh we love that chicken and ham.
Don't let it go to waste, chicken and ham.

<i>Full lyrics to the song Terrance and Phillip sing, as used on the closing credits

Well, you know what I say about kids, they're all pink on the inside.

Mr. Grazier