South Park

South Park Season 5 Quotes (Page 4)

Season 5 Episode 10: "How to Eat with Your Butt"

(When Cartman shows everyone Kenny's picture)
Cartman: Dude, check it out! It's the sweetest thing I've ever done!
Kenny: (muffled) YOU'VE ever done?
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Ms. Choksond**k: Eric calm down, I'm trying to yell at Butters.
 • Rating: Unrated

Stephen Thompson: You may not have realized this, but we actually have buttocks where our heads should be.
Lady at milk company: Really?
 • Rating: Unrated

Stephen Thompson: Over 11 people world wide suffer from TPS.
 • Rating: Unrated

Mr. Garrison: I never realized Ben had TPS but I definately see the resemblence now.
 • Rating: Unrated

Cartman: Yeah well I guess now we'll have to call him Ben Ass-fleck.
 • Rating: Unrated

Chris Stotch: Butters, are you ready to stop with the stupid faces?
Butters: I sure am dad.
Chris Stotch: Alright, you can take the paper bag off.
Butters: (takes bag off)Thanks dad. I'm sorry I was ba--
Chris Stotch: Oh, very funny young man! You think it's clever to make yourself up like a girl?!!
Butters: Bu-bu-bu Dad I-I didn-
Chris Stotch: Did you use your mother's makeup? She's going to be furious!
Butters: I'm not wearing make-up, Dad.
Chris Stotch: Put that bag back on!
Butters: Yes Sir. (puts bag back on)
 • Rating: Unrated

Cartman:Whatever. All I know is that I can laugh again, I'm gonna go home and eat another chocolate gun, come on Kenny!
(A motorbike runs over Kenny)
Cartman: Bahahahaha!
 • Rating: Unrated

South Park Milk Company President: Well why don't we let Mrs. Garfunk do her work, and I'll take you out for some good ole' Colorado chili.
Stephen Thompson: We don't really like chili, it makes us throw up.
 • Rating: Unrated

(Cartman is in the movies after losing his sense of humor)
Guy 1: Dude, why are you wearing Shilaynas' panties?
(Crowd laughs)
Guy 2: I had to wear Shilaynas' panties, Lisa's were in the wash.
(Crowd Laughs)
Guy 1: Look can we just get this over with?
Guy 2: But dude I can't french kiss him, he's my Grandpa.
(Crowd laughs)
Guy 1: Come on dude.
Guy 2: Oh alright here it goes, come here Grandpa
(Crowd laughs and cheers except for Cartman)
Cartman: Aw, dude! Bah.
Audience member: Dude, what's wrong with you?
Cartman: Nothing's wrong with me!
Guy 2: Well I'm glad that's over with. We better go back to the house now to see how Chris is doing.
Cartman: Ahahahaha.......haha...Uh.
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 5 Episode 9: "Osama bin Laden Has Farty Pants"

Cartman: (about Afghanistan) What is this? The freakin' Flintstones?
 • Rating: Unrated

Cartman: (about Afghanistan) God, what a craphole, dude! This is like East Denver! Jesus Christ!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Cartman: (kisses Osama bin Laden) Ooo, tastes like chicken; the ASS of a chicken!
 • Rating: Unrated

Cartman: Hey, look! An infidel!
(Osama Bin Laden looks the other way as Cartman pantses him. Then, there are many magnifying glasses from off screen placed in front of his crotch and sign pops up from off screen reading "Tiny, ain't it?!".)
Cartman: (after Osama pulls his pants up) So THAT'S what this is all about...
 • Rating: Unrated

Cartman: I told you Jawas have no hearts.
Kyle: Jawas?
Cartman: You know, Sand People.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Kyle: Remember when life used to be simple and cool?
Cartman: Not really.
Butters: (walks to the bus stop) Uh, hey. How's it going fellas?
Stan: Butters! What the hell do you think you're doing??
Butters: Well, I'm just standing around being a kid, why? How come you're wearing them oogy spaceman masks?
Kyle: These are gas masks, Butters!
Stan: Yeah, if you don't wear a gas mask, you'll be easily exposed to smallpox or anthrax!
Butters: What?! Oh, Jesus! I don't wanna get the 'thrax, fellas! W-what do I do??
Stan: There's nothing you can doexcept stop breathing.
Butters: Stop breathing??
Kyle: Yeah, you can't get it if you don't breath.
Butters: Oh, all right, then! (inhales deeply and holds breath)
 • Rating: Unrated

Kyle: (after Stan puts up the miniature flag) Dude, I thought those Afghani kids talked to us about not liking America...
Stan: No, dude. America might have some problems, but it's our home. Our country. Our team. And if you don't want to root for your team, then just get the hell out of the stadium.
Kyle: Yeah.
Stan: Go America. Go Broncos.
Kyle: Yeah, go Broncos.
Cartman: Yeah.
 • Rating: Unrated

(Kyle tries to convince the Afghani people that they are not American)
Kyle: Greetings from Canada. Well boys, it's aboot time we get to our hoose in Canada, isn't it?
Cartman: Ey, what the hell are you talking about? I'm not a God damn Canadian, and neither are you!
Stan: Cartman, you stupid asshole!
 • Rating: Unrated

Afghani Kid #1: (about Stan and the others) They are not spies; they just came here to give us our goat back.
Afghani Kid #2: Screw them; they're evil Americans!
Afghani Kid #1: I know. But, if we don't help the innocent ones, then we are no better than the Americans are.
Afghani Kid #3: Help Americans? That doesn't make any sense!
Afghani Kid #1: Dude, we are speaking English right now. Does THAT make sense??
 • Rating: Unrated

Cartman: Eh What's up, Bin Laden?
 • Rating: Unrated

Are we missing your favorite "South Park" quote? Submit it here and get points for adding quotes!