Ryan switched his name tag to his pants, so now it's like if you wear yours on your shirt you're a total dip, but if you switch you're a copy cat.


Paramedic: You have appendicitis.
Ryan: Oh, who called it? Nothing but net.

It's just rum. I'm not bored, I'm a pirate.


I'm a decent baiter. My cousin Mose, that's a master baiter.


Dwight: What is the antidote?
Jim: True love's kiss.

So stop looking at my breasts, and start looking at my penis.


Quick query Halpert, still queer?


Life is short. Drive fast. Leave a sexy corpse. That's one of my mottos.


Dwight: It's just stress, 'cause I care about this project. Frankly, the fact that none of you are vomiting or diarrheal right now, I find very alarming.
Erin: Who says none of us are diarrheal?

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