Sundays 8:00 PM on FOX

(Mrs. Krabappel awards Bart with an extra point on his test, after demonstrating some applied knowledge; this brings his grade from an F to a D-Minus.)
Bart: You mean, I... passed?
Mrs. Krabappel: Just barely!
Bart: (Gasps) I passed! I got a D-Minus! I passed! (Tearfully joyful) All right!
(Bart kisses Mrs. Krabappel and dances out of the classroom.)
Bart: I passed! I passed! I passed! I passed! I got a D-Minus! I passed!
(Bart runs around the front of the school showing off his test.)
Bart: I got a D-Minus! I passed! I got a D-Minus! I passed! I passed! I...(Disgusted) kissed the teacher! (Spits, coughs and blows raspberries.)

(In a parent teacher conference, school psychiatrist suggests that Bart be held back in the 4th grade.)
Bart: (Panicked) You can't hold me back. I swear I'm gonna do better. Look at my eyes. See the sincerity? See the conviction? See the fear? As God is my witness, I can pass the fourth grade!
Homer: And if you don't, at least you'll be bigger than the other kids.

(Bart has just given a poor book report on Treasure Island.)
Mrs. Krabappel: Bart, did you read the book?
Bart: Mrs.Krabappel, I am insulted. Is this a book report or a witch hunt?
Mrs. Krabappel: Then perhaps you'd like to tell us the name of the pirate.
Bart's Brain: Blackbeard. Captain Nemo. Captain Hook. Long John Silver. Peg Leg Pete. Bluebeard.
Bart: Bluebeard?

Otto: Get off the bus or forever hold your peace, little dudes!
(The students climb off the bus, as Bart stays behind.)
Bart: Otto, you know I respect you. I mean, you always let us throw stuff at cars and try to tip the bus on sharp turns.
Otto: Heh. Damn thing never goes over, does it? Ah! So, what's in your head, little man?
Bart: Well, I've been failing a lot of tests recently.
Otto: Yeah-huh.
Bart: And now they're talkin' about holding me back in the fourth grade if I don't shape up.
Otto: That's it? Hey, relax, man! It could end up being the best thing that ever happened to ya. I got held back in the fourth grade myself. Twice! Look at me, man! Now I drive the school bus!

(Bart listens to Mrs. Krabappel lecture him about his failing grades.)
Mrs. Krabappel: Your grades have gotten steadily worse since the beginning of the term. Are you aware of that?
Bart: Yes, ma'am.
Mrs. Krabappel: Are you aware that there is a major exam tomorrow on colonial America?
Bart: Yes, ma'am.
Mrs. Krabappel: Blah, blah, blah-blah. Blah, blah, blah?
Bart: Yes, ma'am.
Mrs. Krabappel: Blah-blah, blah-blah-blah, blah-blah-blah-blah.
Bart: Yes, ma'am.
Mrs. Krabappel: Bart! You haven't been paying attention to a word I said, have you?
Bart: Yes, ma'am.
Mrs. Krabappel: Well, then what did I say?
Bart: Uhhh, "Straighten up and fly right?"
Mrs. Krabappel: (Blows raspberry) That was a lucky guess.

(Martin gives a book report in front of class. Quoting Hemingway:)
Martin: "You're killing me, fish. Never have I seen a greater or more noble thing than you, brother. Come on and kill me. I do not care who kills who. To catch a fish, to kill a bull, to make love to a woman, to live." I thank you. (Bows)
(The classroom is stunned)
Mrs. Krabappel: Oh! Absolutely brilliant! There were moments I truly believed you were Hemingway. Bravo, Martin!
Martin: Oh, please, call me Papa.
(Bart places a ketchup packet on Martin's seat just before he sits down.)
Bart: A little ketchup for your buns, Papa?

(The Simpson family gathers around, as Homer places Bart's passed test on the fridge.)
Homer: We're proud of you, boy.
Bart: Thanks, Dad. But part of this D-minus belongs to God.

(Homer pelts Mr. Burns with a snowball.)
Homer: (Chuckles) Gotcha Burnsie!
Mr. Burns: (Chuckles) Why, you young ragamuffin, I was never one to back away from a snowball fight. Smithers, you may fire at will.
Smithers: Certainly, sir!

Bart: I need you to help me get a passing grade.
Martin: Well, you do need someone's help to get a passing grade, but I don't know why that someone should be me.
Bart: Because I can make it so the other kids don't laugh at you so much.
Martin: They...laugh at me? I'd always considered myself rather popular.
Bart: You're not. Watch.
(Bart grunts as he pushes Martin to the ground and nearby kids laugh.)
Martin: But my--my speed with numbers, my years of service as a hall monitor, my prize-winning dioramas--these things mean nothing to them?
Bart: Perhaps another demonstration.
(Again Bart grunts as he pushes Martin to the ground and nearby kids laugh.)

Displaying quotes 1 - 9 of 18 in total