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Marge: Homey, you sure know how to please a woman.
Homer: As long as it doesn't involve losing weight or changing my pants.

First five customers get a discount, next five get to hear secrets from the first five.


Like Mozart and Johnny Knoxville, my genius can not be stopped.

It's one of those unsolved mysteries, like how do my clothes get cleaned and get back in my dresser?


That theremin has paid for itself time and time again.

Principal Skinner

Newsweek magazine did say it's good to change careers... right after they laid off all their editors.


I'm not a hairdresser. I just put a new lid on a couple of trash cans.

You two look good - open casket good.


Put a James Taylor CD in the stereo so they think it was a suicide.

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