The Simpsons Season 5 Episode 10: "$pringfield (Or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Legalized Gambling)" Quotes
Lisa: Dad, Mom said she'd be home to help me with my costume and she's not, and the geography pageant is tonight!
Homer: Lisa, your mom still loves you. It's just that she has a career now. She's a slot-jockey.
- Permalink: Dad, Mom said she'd be home to help me with my costume and she's...
Lisa: Do you get the feeling this family is disintegrating? I mean, we haven't had a meal with Mom all week. And she hasn't even started my costume for the geography pageant.
Bart: Pipe down, sister. I gotta book a new act for tonight. Turns out that Liza Minnelli impersonator was really Liza Minnelli. (shudders)
- Permalink: Do you get the feeling this family is disintegrating? I mean, we...
Homer: Marge! You waited for me.
Homer: Okay, Marge, let's go.
Marge: I'll catch up to you.
Homer: Marge, I'm taking the car.
Marge: I'll walk.
Homer: This late? Through the bad neighborhood?
Marge: Go home! You're bad luck.
Homer: Wait! I see what's happening here. You're just mad because everyone in this town loves gambling except for you. Well that's just sad.
- Permalink: Marge! You waited for me. Er. Okay, Marge, let's go. I'll ...
Marge, you gotta watch out. Your little boy, Bart, could have been eaten by that pony!</i> Barney
- Permalink: Marge, you gotta watch out. Your little boy, Bart, could have be...
Bart: Woo-hoo! Jackpot.
Squeeky-Voiced Teen: Wait a minute, are you over 21?
Bart: Are you?
Squeeky-Voiced Teen: I'm not authorized to answer that.
- Permalink: Woo-hoo! Jackpot. Wait a minute, are you over 21? Are you? ...
Homer: (as a blackjack dealer) Uh, let's see: eighteen, twenty-seven, thirty-fiveDealer busts! Looks like you all win again.
- Permalink: Eighteen, twenty-seven, thirty-fiveDealer busts! Looks like you ...
Homer: Ssshh! I'm trying to teach the baby to gamble.
Homer: I got a job at Burns' casino. As you know, it's been my lifelong dream to become a blackjack dealer.
Marge: Your lifelong dream was to be a contestant on "The Gong Show",
Homer: We got more gongs than the break-dancing robot that caught on fire.
- Permalink: Ssshh! I'm trying to teach the baby to gamble. Why? I got a ...
Ned: What do you think, Reverend?
Reverend Lovejoy: Once something has been approved by the government, it's no longer immoral.
Mr. Burns: By building a casino, I could tighten my stranglehold on this dismal town!
- Permalink: What do you think, Reverend? Once something has been approved ...
Barney: I haven't been able to find a job in six years.
Kent Brockman: Hmph. And what training do you have?
Barney: Five years of modern dance, six years of tap.
- Permalink: I haven't been able to find a job in six years. Hmph. And what...
Lisa: Dad, you shouldn't wear glasses that weren't prescribed for you.
Homer: Lisa, just because you're ten feet tall doesn't mean you can tell me what to do.
Bart: I'm Bart.
Lisa: Gimme those!
- Permalink: Dad, you shouldn't wear glasses that weren't prescribed for you....
Smithers: Even so, sir, we could stand to lay off a few employees.
Mr. Burns: Oh, very well! (Points at the monitors) Lay off him, him, him, him...(Sees Homer wearing Kissinger's glasses) Hmm...better keep the egghead. He just might come in handy.
- Permalink: Even so, sir, we could stand to lay off a few employees. Oh, v...
Mr Burns: (holding a miniature wooden plane) Do you see this plane, Smithers? This gonna help us to take the Spruce Goose and take us outta here!
Smithers: Excellent model, sir.
Mr. Burns: Uh, model?
- Permalink: Do you see this plane, Smithers? This gonna help us to take the ...