The Simpsons
Sundays 8:00 PM on FOXThe Simpsons Season 5 Episode 10: "$pringfield (Or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Legalized Gambling)" Quotes
Lisa: Dad, Mom said she'd be home to help me with my costume and she's not, and the geography pageant is tonight!
Homer: Lisa, your mom still loves you. It's just that she has a career now. She's a slot-jockey.
Lisa: Do you get the feeling this family is disintegrating? I mean, we haven't had a meal with Mom all week. And she hasn't even started my costume for the geography pageant.
Bart: Pipe down, sister. I gotta book a new act for tonight. Turns out that Liza Minnelli impersonator was really Liza Minnelli. (shudders)
Homer: Marge! You waited for me.
Marge: Er.
Homer: Okay, Marge, let's go.
Marge: I'll catch up to you.
Homer: Marge, I'm taking the car.
Marge: I'll walk.
Homer: This late? Through the bad neighborhood?
Marge: Yeah.
Homer: Marge
Marge: Go home! You're bad luck.
Homer: Wait! I see what's happening here. You're just mad because everyone in this town loves gambling except for you. Well that's just sad.
Marge, you gotta watch out. Your little boy, Bart, could have been eaten by that pony!
</i> Barney
Bart: Woo-hoo! Jackpot.
Squeeky-Voiced Teen: Wait a minute, are you over 21?
Bart: Are you?
Squeeky-Voiced Teen: I'm not authorized to answer that.
Homer: (as a blackjack dealer) Uh, let's see: eighteen, twenty-seven, thirty-fiveDealer busts! Looks like you all win again.
Homer: Ssshh! I'm trying to teach the baby to gamble.
Marge: Why?
Homer: I got a job at Burns' casino. As you know, it's been my lifelong dream to become a blackjack dealer.
Marge: Your lifelong dream was to be a contestant on "The Gong Show",
(after flashback)
Homer: We got more gongs than the break-dancing robot that caught on fire.
Ned: What do you think, Reverend?
Reverend Lovejoy: Once something has been approved by the government, it's no longer immoral.
Crowd: Yeah!
Mr. Burns: By building a casino, I could tighten my stranglehold on this dismal town!
Crowd: Yeah!
(Barney burps)
Crowd: Yeah!
Barney: I haven't been able to find a job in six years.
Kent Brockman: Hmph. And what training do you have?
Barney: Five years of modern dance, six years of tap.
Lisa: Dad, you shouldn't wear glasses that weren't prescribed for you.
Homer: Lisa, just because you're ten feet tall doesn't mean you can tell me what to do.
Bart: I'm Bart.
Lisa: Gimme those!
Smithers: Even so, sir, we could stand to lay off a few employees.
Mr. Burns: Oh, very well! (Points at the monitors) Lay off him, him, him, him...(Sees Homer wearing Kissinger's glasses) Hmm...better keep the egghead. He just might come in handy.
Mr Burns: (holding a miniature wooden plane) Do you see this plane, Smithers? This gonna help us to take the Spruce Goose and take us outta here!
Smithers: Excellent model, sir.
Mr. Burns: Uh, model?
