The Simpsons

The Simpsons "Secrets of a Successful Marriage" Quotes

Homer (wearing a leather jacket): Look everyone. Now that I'm a teacher, I've sewed patches on my elbows.
Marge: Homer, that's supposed to be leather patches on a tweed blazer, not the other way around. You've ruined a perfectly good jacket.
Homer: Uh...incorrect, Marge. Two perfectly good jackets.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Homer: If he can teach a class, then he can teach a class! I mean, I can teach a class!
 • Rating: 4.8 / 5.0

Bart: I missed you so much that I couldn't concentrate in school and I got an "F."
Homer: This is dated two weeks ago.
Bart: Oh, sorry. Here's a fresh one.
 • Rating: Unrated

Lisa: Will you be lecturing from a standardized text or using the more Socratic method of interactive class participation?
Homer: Yes, Lisa. Daddy's a teacher.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Otto: (After an insect falls out of his hair) You think you get them all, but you forget about the eggs.
 • Rating: Unrated

Homer: (to Bart) Keep up the roughhousing, boy. Without a strong male figure, you could turn sissy overnight. (as he's scrubbing his underwear) Oh, these stubborn grass stains.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Otto: I can't believe I paid ten-thousand dollars for this class. What the hell was that lab fee for!?
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Marge: Homer I really don't like you telling personal secrets in your class.
Homer: Marge I didn't tell em personal stuff.
Marge: Today at the Kwik-E-Mart everyone knew I dyed my hair blue.
Homer: Oh you mean about you?
 • Rating: 4.5 / 5.0

Moe: Hey Homer, why don't you nibble her elbow...that always melts her butter, heh heh.
Marge: Get out! Everyone get out now!
Apu: Ooooh, she's got to have it!
 • Rating: 3.0 / 5.0

Squeaky-Voiced Teen: Wait! I need closure on that anecdote.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

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