The Simpsons

The Simpsons Season 2 Quotes (Page 2)

Season 2 Episode 21: "Three Men and a Comic Book"

Homer: A hundred bucks?! For a comic book! Who drew it, Micha-ma-langelo?
 • Rating: Unrated

Marge: So maybe a part-time job is the answer.
Bart: Aw, Mom, I couldn't ask you to do that. You're already taking care of Maggie, and Lisa is such a handful--
Lisa: She means you should get a job, stupid.
 • Rating: Unrated

Bart: We worked so hard and now it's all gone. We ended up with nothing because the three of us can't share.
Milhouse: What's your point?
Bart: Nothing, just kinda ticks me off.
 • Rating: Unrated

Milhouse: (after he sniffed the comic book) It smells like my Grandpa.
 • Rating: Unrated

(Bart, Milhouse, and Martin discuss their ownership of the comic)
Martin: How about this, guys? Bart can have it Mondays and Thursdays, Milhouse will get it Tuesdays and Fridays, and yours truly will take it Wednesdays and Saturdays.
Bart: Perfect!
Milhouse: Wait a minute! What about Sundays?
Bart: (suspiciously) Yeah, what about Sundays?
Martin: Well, Sunday possession will be determined by a random number generator. I will take the digits 1 through 3, Milhouse will have 4 through 6, and Bart will have 7 through 9.
Bart: Perfect!
Milhouse: Wait a minute! What about 0?
Bart: (suspiciously) Yeah, what about 0?
Milhouse: Yeah!
Martin: Well, in the unlikely event of a 0, possession will be determined by rock scissors paper competition, best 3 out of 5, how's that?
(Bart and Milhouse agree.)
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 2 Episode 20: "The War of the Simpsons"

(Bart and Lisa's breakfast with Grampa)
Grampa: (Pours Lisa a cup of coffee) Sugar?
Lisa: (Nervous) Yes, ten please.
Bart: (Rattlin') Hey Grampa, top me off!
Grampa: Are you sure your Ma let you kids drink coffee?
Bart: FOR THE LAST TIME, YES!!!!
 • Rating: Unrated

Marge: I like to think that I'm a patient, tolerant, woman and that there was no line you could ever cross that would make me stop loving you. But last night you didn't just cross that line, you threw up on it!
 • Rating: Unrated

Marge: Oh, they're here. How does everything look?
Homer: Yeah, how do I look?
Marge: Do we have enough glasses?
Homer: Do we have enough gag ice cubes?
Marge: Homer, Homer, put a record on.
Homer: What are all our friends' names again?
 • Rating: Unrated

Homer: Mmmm... hors dourves.
Marge: Homer! You promised!
Homer: I promised I wouldn't eat? Never! You lie!
 • Rating: Unrated

Marge: Go easy on the al-key-hole.
 • Rating: Unrated

Homer: Bart! Do that thing you do that's so cute!
Bart What?
Homer: That thing you know how to do!
Bart: What!?
Homer: Go to bed!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Marge: Well I was thinking... do you think you could babysit the kids this weekend, I wouldn't ask, but we're desperate.
Grampa: Oh suuuure! Last resort. Old Grandpa the feeb. The guy who can't be counted on for nothing knowhow dag-nammit. Everyone's against me! (Pause) I'll do it!
 • Rating: Unrated

Reverend Lovejoy: Ned, Maude, what brings you here?
Ned: Well... sometimes God bless her, she underlines passages in my bible because she can't find hers!
Homer: Oh, lucky you don't keep guns in the house.
Reverend Lovejoy: Homer, why are you here?
Homer: Oh, because I got drunk and looked down her dress!
 • Rating: Unrated

Lovejoy: Come on Homer what are her faults?
Homer: Well sometimes she can be annoying!
Marge: Oh Homer.
Lovejoy: Now Marge, don't interrupt, you'll get your turn.
Homer: I'm done.
Lovejoy: Okay, Marge.
Marge: Well its not that I don't love the guy, I'm always sticking up for him, it's just that he's so self-centered. He forgets birthdays, anniversaries, holidays. He chews with his mouth open, he gambles, he hangs out at a seedy bar with bums and low lifes.
Homer: Oh it's true!
Lovejoy: Homer don't interrupt.
Marge: He blows his nose on the towels and then puts them back in the middle!
Homer: I only did that a couple of times!
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 2 Episode 19: "Lisa's Substitute"

Homer: Just because I don't care doesn't mean that I don't understand.
 • Rating: 4.7 / 5.0

Homer: Did you hear that, Marge? She called me a baboon! The stupidest, ugliest, smelliest ape of them all!
Bart: Whoa! Somebody was bound to say it one day, I just can't believe it was her.
 • Rating: Unrated

Mr. Bergstrom: I'm Mr. Bergstrom. Feel free to make fun of my name if you want. Two suggestions are Mr. Nerdstrom and Mr.Boogerstrom.
 • Rating: Unrated

Ralph: What's Lyme Disease?
Principal Skinner: I'll field that one. Lyme disease is spread by small parasites called ticks. When a diseased tick attaches itself to you, it begins sucking your blood. Malignant spirochetes infect your bloodstream, eventually spreading to your spinal fluid and on into the brain.
Miss Hoover: The Brain? Oh dear god!
 • Rating: Unrated

Mr. Bergstrom: Lisa, your homework is always so neat. How can I put this? Does your father help you with it?
Lisa: No. Homework's not my father's specialty.
Mr. Bergstrom: Well there's no shame in it, I mean, my dad ...
Lisa: Not mine.
Mr. Bergstrom: You didn't let me finish.
Lisa: Unless the next word was burp, you didn't have to.
 • Rating: Unrated

Ralph: Dear Miss Hoover. You have Lyme disease. We miss you. Kevin's biting me, come back soon. Here is a drawing of a spyrokeet. Love Ralph.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

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