They charge you for parts AND labor? Pick one, buddy. I can do this just fine myself.


Even the Koreans wouldn't touch this dog.


That was awesome. I feel like the Tiger Woods of sex.


Simon: How do you like LA?
Moe: It's a hell of a city. It's like someone stepped on New York and scraped it off on the beach.

You can't close! I'll have to go home and drink better beer at half the price... and natural lighting!


I don't need your fair-weather friendship... is what I'll be saying tomorrow morning.


Homer: You never fail to nauseate me boy.
Bart: Just call me Barf Simpson.
Homer: I wanted to, but your mother said kids might tease you.

Chief Wiggum: Hold it right there, Switches of Eastwick.
Lou: Switches of Eastwick?
Chief Wiggum: I don't want to censor myself. That's how creativity dies.

Bob: The greatest murder since Snape killed Dumbledore.
Bart: Oh I haven't gotten to that part yet.
Bob: It's a 4 year old book!
Bart: I'm a slow reader.
Bob: A fitting epitaph... it means last words.
Bob: Are you here to teach me or kill me?

All the good men are either gay or have no face.


Marge, the bathroom scale is lying again!


Aw, nothing is ever boobs or ice cream.


The Simpsons Season 21 Quotes

Comic Book Guy: You are acceptable!
Homer: Great, would you like to see me naked?
Studio Exec: Oh, there's no nudity in this movie
Homer: What movie?

I played hardball with hollywood, the closest i will ever come to playing a sport in my life

Comic Book Guy