Grandma had hair like that when she went to sleep in her forever box.

Ralph

What has she done!? I feel like I'm married to Richard Gere.

Homer

I just have one question about hair, where does mine start?

Bart

I'm Moe Szyslak. Growing up, I had roundworm. Heck I was more worm than man some months. I dabbled in satanism until I was asked to leave. Oh and one month I ate nothing by aquarium fish.

Moe

A lot of great movie stars have gray hairs. Like all those women we loved in the 80's.

Homer

If you're watching this, your love life is like Sister Act 3 - no Whoopi.

Dr. Kissingher

Okay, but don't read our subtitles.

CIA Guy

Bart: Can I betray the country I pledge allegiance to every day?
CIA Guy #1: You pledge allegiance to the flag.
CIA Guy #2: And the flag is made in China.

Apu: Mr. Homer, you inadvertently left your nuclear power plant ID in the birthday card rack.
Homer: I can't lose that, it's the best picture I have.
Apu: I am more concerned with global terrorism. America's enemies would give anything for your nuclear knowledge.
Homer: Yeah. I do know a lot about nuclears.
Apu: And America has so many enemies: Iran, Iraq, China, Mordor, the hoochies that laid low Tiger Woods, undesirable immigrants, by which I mean everyone that came after me, including my children.

Ghost: How could you mistake him for me?
Willie: It was that sassy mouth that got you killed in the first place.

Bart: Those are girl overalls!
Milhouse: I could pull it off.

I never thought of fatherhood as something that could affect a kid.

Homer

The Simpsons Season 22 Quotes

Lisa: Players play and managers manage.
Ralph: Do alligators alligate?

Lisa: Quiet. It's time for the noblest Nobel Prize of all.. the Peace Prize.
Homer: I would kill for that!