The Simpsons

The Simpsons Season 22 Quotes (Page 8)

Season 22 Episode 6: "The Fool Monty"

Homer: This town can't teach its kids or collect its garbage, but we lead the nation in pointless revenge.
 • Rating: Unrated

Smithers: He was more than a friend. He was the reason I got up in the morning because he would inject me with coffee at six in the morning in the back of the head.
 • Rating: Unrated

Mr. Burns: I want to die quietly on my own term crushing as many of those baby sea turtles as I possibly can.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Mayer Quimby (about Mr. Burns): Give him what he wants. He's the only tax payer in this town.
 • Rating: Unrated

Marge: This isn't a line for a movie, why are you dressed in that costume?
Comic Book Guy: Because I am afraid of needles, but Wolverine is not.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Mayor Quimby: Please use your time in line wisely to Sophie's Choice your child.
 • Rating: Unrated

Mr. Burns: I'll have 37 snifters of your influenza syrup. One for me, one for Smithers, and the rest for my hounds.
 • Rating: 2.0 / 5.0

Season 22 Episode 5: "Lisa Simpson, This Isn't Your Life"

Lisa: That school is so great. Teachers teach so much better when they're paid in money and not chickens.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Bart: You punch really good
Nelson: You think?
Bart: Oh yeah and you always avoid the face around picture day. People really appreciate that.
Nelson: Hey, those memories are forever.
Bart: You really care man. A lot of bullies just phone it in. *cough* Kearney *cough*
 • Rating: Unrated

Lisa: I'll study so hard I'll make the old me look like Bart.
Homer: That'd be one weird looking kid.
 • Rating: 4.5 / 5.0

Lisa: Lord Buddha, I know I'm not supposed to want stuff, but come on!
 • Rating: 4.7 / 5.0

Bart: What's your note say?
Lisa: The seven of clubs?
Homer: Tada!
 • Rating: 4.5 / 5.0

Principal Skinner: You yell at me for everything.
Superintendent Chalmers: Well I cant yell at anyone else. Teachers have unions. Students have parents.
Principal Skinner: What about Willie?
Superintendent Chalmers: I like Willie.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Principal Skinner: Lisa, one of the hardest jobs I have is throwing cold water on young children's dreams. Ralph, you're not a kangaroo.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Principal Skinner: Buying trophies from those cash-strapped schools really filled out the case.
 • Rating: Unrated

Lisa: Someday when I'm a grownup, maybe I'll go back and look fondly at our house.
Bart: Well stop in and say hi to me because I'll still be there chilling in my basement bachelor pad.
Homer: Make sure to water my backyard grave.
Bart: As long as I can dig you up and stick you on the front porch every Halloween.
Homer: Just don't dress me up as a woman.
Bart: We'll see.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Selma: What a cheap date.
Moe: I'm not cheap baby. I'm embarrassed to be seen with you. There's a big difference.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Homer: No child of mine will go without anything. Ever. Except quality health care.
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Krusty: Mousy and Catsy! Aren't they great?
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Homer: You can't climb into the TV. If you could, I'd make Alex Trebek answer some questions.
 • Rating: 4.7 / 5.0

Are we missing your favorite "The Simpsons" quote? Submit it here and get points for adding quotes!