Sundays 8:00 PM on FOX
The-simpsons

Grandma had hair like that when she went to sleep in her forever box.

Ralph

What has she done!? I feel like I'm married to Richard Gere.

Homer

I just have one question about hair, where does mine start?

Bart

I'm Moe Szyslak. Growing up, I had roundworm. Heck I was more worm than man some months. I dabbled in satanism until I was asked to leave. Oh and one month I ate nothing by aquarium fish.

Moe

A lot of great movie stars have gray hairs. Like all those women we loved in the 80's.

Homer

If you're watching this, your love life is like Sister Act 3 - no Whoopi.

Dr. Kissingher

Okay, but don't read our subtitles.

CIA Guy

Bart: Can I betray the country I pledge allegiance to every day?
CIA Guy #1: You pledge allegiance to the flag.
CIA Guy #2: And the flag is made in China.

Apu: Mr. Homer, you inadvertently left your nuclear power plant ID in the birthday card rack.
Homer: I can't lose that, it's the best picture I have.
Apu: I am more concerned with global terrorism. America's enemies would give anything for your nuclear knowledge.
Homer: Yeah. I do know a lot about nuclears.
Apu: And America has so many enemies: Iran, Iraq, China, Mordor, the hoochies that laid low Tiger Woods, undesirable immigrants, by which I mean everyone that came after me, including my children.

Ghost: How could you mistake him for me?
Willie: It was that sassy mouth that got you killed in the first place.

Bart: Those are girl overalls!
Milhouse: I could pull it off.

I never thought of fatherhood as something that could affect a kid.

Homer
Displaying quotes 85 - 96 of 203 in total

Want more The Simpsons?

Sign up for our daily newsletter and receive the latest tv news delivered to your inbox for free!

The Simpsons Season 22 Quotes

Lisa: Quiet. It's time for the noblest Nobel Prize of all.. the Peace Prize.
Homer: I would kill for that!

Homer: It's 4 am, you kids should have been in bed a half hour ago.
Lisa: We're watching the Nobel Prize announcement lives from Stockholm.
Homer: Ooh, the Nobies.

x Close Ad