Oh my god I think I just met the thing I'm going to die on.


Life was so much easier when a machine told you when to laugh.


Not bad. Like Frisbee Golf, I'm glad I tried it once.


Superintendent Chalmers: Willie, you're the new principal.
Willie: Who's the new groundskeeper?
Superintendent Chalmers: Also you. And you don't get more money.

Skinner, you're a regular Casanova, or, in English, regular house.

Superintendent Chalmers

I see how it is. You get a booty calla and I get a cootie call.


I'm dating one of your mothers. I forget which one.


I'd have to move in with mom, who's dead and doesn't have a house.


Smithers: Can I have a scotch and water?
Moe: My scotch is a scotch and water.

Smithers: They're fighting like Iran and Iraq!
Mr. Burns: What?
Smithers: Persia and Mesopotamia.

They think they're better than us because their performance review reflects it!


Homer: Oh, you beautiful man!
Flanders: That feeling is mutual of Omaha.
Homer: God, you're hilarious!

The Simpsons Season 22 Quotes

Lisa: Quiet. It's time for the noblest Nobel Prize of all.. the Peace Prize.
Homer: I would kill for that!

Homer: It's 4 am, you kids should have been in bed a half hour ago.
Lisa: We're watching the Nobel Prize announcement lives from Stockholm.
Homer: Ooh, the Nobies.