Homer: And now because it's after noon, I can go to Moe's without having a "drinking problem."
Moe: Hey Homer, I could hear your pathetic rationalizing through the door.

This date night was even worse than the date night we saw Date Night.


Marge: Homer, I'm a single mother, trying to raise a family here.
Homer: But you're not-
Marge: Just zip it.

Lenny: Trouble in paradise?
Homer: No, my marriage.

Homer: Now that's what I call a snappy retort.
Marge: Stop saying what you call things! I'm trying to watch the movie.

Choke on my numb blue hands.


Bart: But where does the ship stop again?
Homer: I don't know. A lot of barefoot kids kicking soccer balls, shell necklaces, they really hit the poverty nicely.

It's so diverse. I've died and gone to a PBS kid's show.


Bart's been raptured and his crap's been craptured.


Jimbo: If I wrote down everything you told me to write down, I'd have no time for punching.
Dolph: Whoa, you should write that down, man.

Marge: This is the stupidest fight ever!
Homer: We've had stupider!

Now to save on calories, I won't eat the paper in the fortune cookie.


The Simpsons Season 23 Quotes

I guess it's not much when you look at real problems in the world like Major League umpires not using instant replay.


What's what the new security guard? He's acting all aloof. By the way, that's my word now - "he's."