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Homer: And now because it's after noon, I can go to Moe's without having a "drinking problem."
Moe: Hey Homer, I could hear your pathetic rationalizing through the door.

This date night was even worse than the date night we saw Date Night.

Marge

Marge: Homer, I'm a single mother, trying to raise a family here.
Homer: But you're not-
Marge: Just zip it.

Lenny: Trouble in paradise?
Homer: No, my marriage.

Homer: Now that's what I call a snappy retort.
Marge: Stop saying what you call things! I'm trying to watch the movie.

Choke on my numb blue hands.

Homer

Bart: But where does the ship stop again?
Homer: I don't know. A lot of barefoot kids kicking soccer balls, shell necklaces, they really hit the poverty nicely.

It's so diverse. I've died and gone to a PBS kid's show.

Lisa

Bart's been raptured and his crap's been craptured.

Homer

Jimbo: If I wrote down everything you told me to write down, I'd have no time for punching.
Dolph: Whoa, you should write that down, man.

Marge: This is the stupidest fight ever!
Homer: We've had stupider!

Now to save on calories, I won't eat the paper in the fortune cookie.

Homer
Displaying quotes 13 - 24 of 129 in total

The Simpsons Season 23 Quotes

I'm married to the sea, and I'm seeing two of the great lakes on the side. I won't say which ones but it's ERIE how SUPERIOR they are.

Sea Captain

I guess it's not much when you look at real problems in the world like Major League umpires not using instant replay.

Homer
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