Homer: Finally, a supermarket with a clear premise - island something. Bart: It's like going to Hawaii without all the murderous locals.

I'll have you know I'm also a hair donor. Salma Hayek wore me to the Oscars.


Homer (on Maggie): Let her slice off the tip of your ear and she'll go right to sleep.
Carl: No
Homer: That's not a choice you get to make.

Oh, I always thought tarred and feathered was just a figure of speech. Good luck patching pot holes and stuffing pillows now!


Lisa: I pick up books like you pick up beers.
Homer: Then you have a serious reading problem.

Homer: Sorry, Dad. I was afraid the dragon wouldn't cough the moon back up.
Grampa: You idiot! Dragon always coughs the moon back up.

Now that's a spicy meet-cute!


We shows girls love on Valentine's Day, and they let us blow things up on the Fourth of July. I just pray they never fall on the same day.


Luckily, she doesn't know that our viewing platforms are multi.


From now on I'll dominate you in ways you don't realize.


Worst climbing Everest.

Comic Book Guy

I dump on you, and you take it. That's how friendship works.


The Simpsons Season 23 Quotes

I guess it's not much when you look at real problems in the world like Major League umpires not using instant replay.


What's what the new security guard? He's acting all aloof. By the way, that's my word now - "he's."