The Simpsons

The Simpsons Season 3 Quotes (Page 10)

Season 3 Episode 16: "Bart the Lover"

Jasper: What's eatin' you, woman? Your personal ad said you wanted a man. Well, you got yourself a humdinger!
Edna: I don't know. I guess I expected something different from your photo.
Jasper: Don't let my age fool you. Just 'cause it's a little slow on the roof. I've forgotten how the rest of that goes.
 • Rating: Unrated

Homer: Don't worry; I just drew up a little blueprint. Now, let me walk you through it. This is the door, he goes through that. This is the roof, this happy character is the sun, he shines down on the house, see?
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Bart: Hey, Mom. Did you save Dad's love letters?
Marge: Of course I saved them. Well actually, there's only one. It's more of a love postcard from some brewery he visited.
Homer: Maybe it's the beer talking, Marge. But you've got a butt that won't quit. They've got these big chewy pretzels here (undecipherable slurring) five dollars?! Get outta here!
Bart: Wow, the side of Dad I've never seen.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Ned: I just wish you wouldn't curse in front of my boys!
Homer: Oh, come on, now, Flanders! I don't complain about yourmoustache!
Ned: What's wrong with my moustache?
Homer: It makes you look like you've got something to hide.
Ned: What?
Homer: People are talking. Lots of people.
Ned: Okay, mister. You've got yourself a deal. I'll shave off the soup strainer if you give the sailor talk the ol' heave-ho. Okay?
Homer: Aye aye! Admiral Butthead.
 • Rating: Unrated

Homer: Hey Marge, you want to hear something funny? Flanders thinks I swear too much. Hee, hee, hee! Marge, you're not laughing.
Marge: Well, you know, maybe he's right.
Homer: What a surprise. Marge sticks up for Flanders. Can we have one conversation where you don't bring up your hero Ned Flanders?
Marge: Actually Homer, you brought up Ned Flanders.
 • Rating: Unrated

(Homer builds a new dog house all while trying not to swear.)
Homer: Oh, fudge. That's...broken. Fiddle dee dee. That will require a tetanus shot. I'm not going to swear, but I am going to...kick this dog house down!
Homer goes into a rage.)
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Lisa: And any time I hear the wind blow, it will whisper the name: Edna.
Marge: Oh, that's very good, Lisa!
Homer: P.S. I am gay.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Willy: Don't you worry about your wee fish, lass. They're goin' to a better place.
(flushes them down the toilet)
 • Rating: Unrated

Ned: Sorry to bother you, Reverend Lovejoy, but I'm kind of in a tizzy. My son Todd just told us he didn't want to eat his damn vegetables.
Lovejoy: Well, you know kids and vegetables. What was it, asparagus?
Ned: No, Reverend, the point is, he said a bad word!
Lovejoy: Oh, right, yeah. Well, kids usually pick these things stuff up from someplace. Find out who's doing it anddirect them to the Bible.
Ned: Where in the Bible?
Lovejoy: UhPage 900.
Ned: But Rev-- (Lovejoy hangs up)
Lovejoy: Damn Flanders.
 • Rating: Unrated

Ned: Is this all he watches?
Maude: Well, he used to watch Davey and Goliath, but he thought the idea of a talking dog was blasphemous.
 • Rating: Unrated

Homer: Damn crappy nails! Superglue my butt!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Ned: I'm talking about your potty-mouth.
Homer: What the hell are you talking about?
 • Rating: Unrated

Woodrow: Truly, yours is a butt that won't quit.
 • Rating: 4.5 / 5.0

Jimmy: Hey, what gives?
Jimmy's Dad: You said you wanted to live in a world without zinc Jimmy. Well now your car has no battery.
Jimmy: But I promised Betty I'd pick her up by 6:00. I better give her a call.
Jimmy's Dad: Sorry Jimmy. Without zinc for the rotary mechanism, there are no telephones.
Jimmy: Dear God! What have I done?
(Jimmy pulls out a gun and points it to his head and fires)
Jimmy's Dad: Think again Jimmy. You see the firing pin in your gun was made out ofyepzinc.
Jimmy: Come back zinc, Come Back!!
 • Rating: Unrated

Maude: Todd, would you like some mixed vegetables?
Todd: Hell no.
(Everyone gasps)
Maude: What did you say?
Todd: I said I don't want any damn vegetables.
Ned: Alright, that is it young man. No bible stories for you tonight.
(Todd runs to his room crying)
Maude: Weren't you a little hard on him?
Ned: Well, you knew I had a temper when you married me.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Season 3 Episode 15: "Homer Alone"

Homer: Barney! I lost the baby! What am I going to do!?
Barney: Don't worry. Don't worry. Know what I'm going to do? I'm going to make you an omelet.
Homer: Just help me look.
Barney: Are you sure? I make 'em with four kinds of cheese.
 • Rating: Unrated

Radio: It's time for another Bill and Marty Classic Prank Call!
Bill: Hello is this Mr. Chester Sherman?
Chester: Yes.
Bill: Sir your wife is dead!
Chester: Oh...god, no!
Bill: That's right, she just walked through a plate glass window, there's blood everywhere!
Chester: But...but I just talked to her (starts crying)
Bill/Marty: (Laughs)
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Bus Driver: Look lady, this better be good....
Marge: (Starts roaring like a tiger...the driver goes back in the bus)
 • Rating: Unrated

Homer: Let me through, let me through! I'm her husband!
Eddie: Well, that explains a lot!
 • Rating: Unrated

Selma: Bart, you'll be sleeping with your Aunt Patty.
Bart: In your bed?
Patty: Uh huh, and I shall warn you, I'm told I snore.
 • Rating: Unrated

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