Homer: I got you a gig on TV.
Lurleen: Oh Homer! You're as smart as you are handsome!
Homer: Hey!! Oh, you meant that as a compliment.

Much as I hate that man right now, you gotta love that suit.

Bart

Homer: I'm going now, and I don't know when you'll see me again
(he drives off, then comes back to drop Maggie off)
Lisa: I guess that executive stress ball we got him for Christmas isn't working.

Lurleen: My name's Lurleen Lumpkin.
Homer: That's a pretty name.
Lurleen: Oh, you think so?
Homer: Maybe. I'm not sure. I forgot it.

Homer: I've heard how this ends, it turns out the secret code was the same nursery rhyme he told his daughter!
Audience: Oooh!
Homer: Hey, it's pretty obvious if you think about it!
Marge: Oh shut up Homer, no one wants to hear what you think!
Audience: Yeah! *applause*

Homer: Is there any room in that bed for a dag-burn fool?
Marge: Always has been.

Marge, let's end this feudin' and a fussin' and get down to some lovin'.

Homer

(on a mechanical bull) Ach! How come no one else's chair is doin' this?!

Willy

They don't call me Colonel Homer because I'm some dumb-ass army guy.

Homer

(Answers phone) Uh, no you've got the wrong number. This is 9-1... 2.

Wiggum

What makes a man endanger his job, and, yes, even his life, by asking me for money?

Mr. Burns

Smithers: People like dogs, Mr. Burns.
Burns: Nonsense, dogs are idiots. Think about it Smithers, if I came into your room and started sniffing at your crotch and slobbering all over your face, what would you say?
Smithers: Umm...if you did it, sir?

The Simpsons Season 3 Quotes

(singing) We've had lots and lots and lots and lots and lots of fun, but now the time has come... to go. If this old clown was found dead in his bed tomorrow, I'd be in heaven, still doing this show.

Krusty

Krusty: Ooh! Sex Chat! (dials)
Voice: You've reached the Party Line! In a moment, you'll be connected to a hot party, with some of the world's most beautiful women! Now, let's join the party!
Krusty: Hello?
Man 1: Hello?
Man 2: Hello?
Apu: Are there any women here?
Krusty: Hello!?
Apu: Are you a beautiful woman?
Krusty: Do I sound like a beautiful woman?
Apu: This is not as hot a party as I anticipated.