The Simpsons

The Simpsons Season 3 Quotes (Page 9)

Season 3 Episode 17: "Homer at the Bat"

Carl: That's it?
Lenny: Yeah, I've got a magic bat too!
Carl: And I have an enchanting jockstrap, Heh, heh, heh.
 • Rating: Unrated

Homer: You're Darryl Strawberry?
Darryl: Yes.
Homer: You play right field?
Darryl: Yes.
Homer: I play right field too, so, are you better than me?
Darryl: Well, I've never met you, butyes.
 • Rating: Unrated

Homer: Please please please, I want to make the team. Clemens, did I make the team?
Roger Clemens: You sure did!
Homer: I did? Woohoo! Woohoo! In your face Strawberry!
Roger Clemens: Wait a minute, are you Ken Griffey Jr.?
Homer: No.
Roger Clemens: Sorry, didn't mean to get your hopes up.
 • Rating: Unrated

Ozzie Smith: How long does it take to see this thing? I'm kind of in a hurry.
Mystery Spot Owner: Well it's hard to say my friend, once you go in, you may never come out.
Ozzie Smith: Wow! (puts the money forward) One please! (walks inside and falls into the bottomless hole) Aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh!
 • Rating: Unrated

Homer: Oh no! I don't want you to see me sitting on my worthless butt!
Bart: We've seen it, dad!
 • Rating: Unrated

Lisa: You stink Strawberry, we want home run Homer!
Bart: Darryl... Darryl.
Bart and Lisa: Darryl... Darryl!
Marge: Kids, that's not very nice
Lisa: Mom, they're professional athletes, they're used to this kind of thing, it rolls right off their back!
(Cut to close up to Strawberry, who begins to tear up.)
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Lisa: Wow, Dad!
Bart: Homer, can I get you a beer?
Lisa: No, I want to get him a beer.
Homer: Kids, kids, kids! You can each get me a beer.
 • Rating: Unrated

Umpire: Okay, let's go over the ground rules. You can't leave first until you chug a beer. Any man scoring has to chug a beer. You have to chug a beer at the top of all odd-numbered innings. Oh, and the fourth inning is the beer inning.
Wiggum: Hey, we know how to play softball!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Officer Eddie: (reading Steve Sax's license) Well well, Steve Sax, from New York City.
Officer Lou: I heard some guy got killed in New York City and they never solved the case. But you wouldn't know anything about that now, would you, Steve?
(Lou and Eddie laugh)
Steve Sax: But there are hundreds of unsolved murders in New York City.
Officer Lou: You don't know when to keep your mouth shut, do you, Saxxy Boy?
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Rich Man: Would you care to bet a million dollars.
Mr. Burns: Oh, if we're going to bet, why not make it interesting?
Rich Man: What, a million dollars isn't interesting to you?
Mr. Burns: Oh, did you say a million? I'm sorry, my mind was elsewhere. I thought you'd start with a small amount, then we'd slowly bait each other, and . . . well, you know how it goes. Yes, certainly, a million will be fine.
 • Rating: Unrated

Carl: (to Homer) Yeah, and I got my enchanted jock strap!
 • Rating: Unrated

Lenny: Hit one here Charlie!
(Charlie swings his bat, it slips out his hands and goes flying into one of Lenny's shins)
Lenny: (in pain) Aah! Aaah!
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 3 Episode 16: "Bart the Lover"

(Homer tries helping the family write a letter to Mrs. Krabappel from Woodrow, informing her that he is leaving town.)
Homer: Three simple words: I, Am, Gay.
Marge: Homer, for the last time, I'm not putting that in!
 • Rating: Unrated

"Woodrow": Dearest Edna, I must leave you. Why, I cannot say. Where, you cannot know. How I will get there, I haven't decided yet. But one thing I can tell you, any time I hear the wind blow it will whisper the name Edna. And so let us part with a love that will echo through the ages. ---Woodrow
 • Rating: Unrated

Bart: Gross, he's picking his nose!
 • Rating: Unrated

Edna: One scratch-n-win, Apu.
Apu: Mrs. Krabappel, I haven't seen you since we doubled our prices. Still teaching?
Edna: Let's see. scratches lottery ticket One more day, at least.
 • Rating: Unrated

Mechanic: Bingo bango, sugar in the gas tank. The ex-husband strikes again.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Todd: Ow! My Eyeball!
 • Rating: Unrated

Skinner: (trying to get attention of school) People.... people. You know I can wait just as long as you. (fails) KNOCK IT OFF!
 • Rating: Unrated

Edna: After two months at sea, the pilgrims were running out of food and water. Yes, Nelson?
Nelson: Did they have any yo-yo's?
Edna: No, they did not have yo-yo's. When they landed at Plymouth Rock, they were greeted by the friendly Indians.
Milhouse: Did the Indians have yo-yo's!?
Edna: No they did not have yo-yo's! That's it! I am sick and tired of talking about yo-yo's. From now on I won't accept any book report, science project, dioramas, or anything else on yo-yo's, or yo-yo related topics. Am I making myself clear?
Bart: Yo!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

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