Sundays 8:00 PM on FOX
The-simpsons

Sideshow Bob: Ah, Mr. Simpson, you're forgetting the first two noble truths of the Buddha.
Homer: I am not!

Her only hopes were a clucky young boy and his slow-witted father.

Bart

Papa Dinosaur: Would you turn off that Rock and Rock music?
Baby Dinosaur: Hey, don't have a Stegosaurus, man!
Lisa: These talking dinosaurs are more real than most real families on TV!
Homer: Look Maggie, they have a baby too!

Enclosed is a photo of us on a bike. I forget which one I am.

Selma

Sideshow Bob: Selma, would you mind if I did something bold and shocking in front of your family?
Selma: All right, but no tongues.
Sideshow Bob: Although kissing you would be like kissing some divine ashtray, that's not what I had in mind. Selma, will you marry me?
Bart: Don't be a fool, Aunt Selma. That man is scum.
Selma: Then call me Mrs. Scum.

Sideshow Bob: Bart, I must know. How did you untangle my web?
Chief Wiggum: Yeah, Bart, pull us in!
Bart: Well, I'd hate to tell the number one cop in town how to do his job.
Chief Wiggum: No, no, please. It's the only way I'll learn.

(vision test at the DMV)
Hans Moleman: A, G, Q, 7.
Selma: Close enough. May you drive safely, and find true love.

If he was going to commit a crime, would he have invited the number one cop in town? Now where did I put my gun? Oh yeah, I set it down when I got a piece of cake.

Chief Wiggum

Bart: Aunt Selma has one hour to live!
Homer: Hey, down in front!

Homer: Marge, you're standing in the way of my boyhood dream of managing a beautiful country singer.
Marge: You're boyhood dream was to eat the world's biggest hoagie and you did it at the county fair last year, remember? (Marge holds up a photo of homer eating a giant hoagie)

Marge, it takes two to lie...one to lie and one to listen.

Homer

This is K-U-D-D 570 AM. Hey, don't touch that dial, you've got KUDD on it.

DJ
Displaying quotes 73 - 84 of 489 in total

Want more The Simpsons?

Sign up for our daily newsletter and receive the latest tv news delivered to your inbox for free!

The Simpsons Season 3 Quotes

Lisa: You stink Strawberry, we want home run Homer!
Bart: Darryl... Darryl.
Bart and Lisa: Darryl... Darryl!
Marge: Kids, that's not very nice
Lisa: Mom, they're professional athletes, they're used to this kind of thing, it rolls right off their back!
(Cut to close up to Strawberry, who begins to tear up.)

Horst: (Sinister) Okay, Mr. Burns, you win. But beware. We Germans aren't all smiles and sunshine.
Mr. Burns: (Sarcastic) Oooh, the Germans are mad at me. I'm so scared! Oooh, the Germans! (Hiding behind Smithers) Uh oh, the Germans are going to get me!
Horst: Stop it!
Man: Stop, sir.
Mr. Burns: Don't let the Germans come after me. Oh no, the Germans are coming after me.
Man: Please stop the "pretending you are scared" game, please.
Horst: Stop it! Stop it!
Mr. Burns: (Pause) No! They're so big and strong!
Man: Stop it.
Horst: Stop it, Mr. Burns.
Man: Please stop pretending you are scared of us, please, now.
Mr. Burns: Oh, protect me from the Germans! The Germans--
Horst: Burns, Stop it!

x Close Ad