The Simpsons
Sundays 8:00 PM on FOXThe Simpsons Season 3 Quotes
Sideshow Bob: Bart, I must know. How did you untangle my web?
Chief Wiggum: Yeah, Bart, pull us in!
Bart: Well, I'd hate to tell the number one cop in town how to do his job.
Chief Wiggum: No, no, please. It's the only way I'll learn.
Selma: And here's another breathtaking sight... my brand new hubby!
Sideshow Bob: I wanted a room with a fireplace you blasted monkey... Oh Selma dear... I was just chatting with my good friend... Dennis! Now, smile for the camera, there's a good lad!
Papa Dinosaur: Would you turn off that Rock and Rock music?
Baby Dinosaur: Hey, don't have a Stegosaurus, man!
Lisa: These talking dinosaurs are more real than most real families on TV!
Homer: Look Maggie, they have a baby too!
Enclosed is a photo of us on a bike. I forget which one I am.
Selma
Gee, if some snot-nosed little kid sent me to prison, the first thing out, I'd find out where he lives, and tear him a new belly button!
Homer
Sideshow Bob: Ah, Mr. Simpson, you're forgetting the first two noble truths of the Buddha.
Homer: I am not!
Sideshow Bob: Selma, would you mind if I did something bold and shocking in front of your family?
Selma: All right, but no tongues.
Sideshow Bob: Although kissing you would be like kissing some divine ashtray, that's not what I had in mind. Selma, will you marry me?
Bart: Don't be a fool, Aunt Selma. That man is scum.
Selma: Then call me Mrs. Scum.
Lisa: I could have been the flower girl; I wouldn't keep falling down, either!
Bart: Hey, they chose Maggie, okay?
Lisa: Yeah, well if you wanna go for cutesiness instead of competence, fine.
If he was going to commit a crime, would he have invited the number one cop in town? Now where did I put my gun? Oh yeah, I set it down when I got a piece of cake.
Chief Wiggum
Homer: Marge, you're standing in the way of my boyhood dream of managing a beautiful country singer.
Marge: You're boyhood dream was to eat the world's biggest hoagie and you did it at the county fair last year, remember? (Marge holds up a photo of homer eating a giant hoagie)
Marge, it takes two to lie...one to lie and one to listen.
Homer
This is K-U-D-D 570 AM. Hey, don't touch that dial, you've got KUDD on it.
DJ
