The Simpsons
Sundays 8:00 PM on FOXThe Simpsons Season 5 Quotes
Homer: So how was jerk practice, boy? Did they teach you how to sing to trees, or build crappy furniture out of useless wooden logs? Huh? (chair falls apart on him) D'oh! Stupid poetic justice
Bart: Actually, we were just planning the father-son river rafting trip
Homer: (chuckles) You don't have a son.
I keep telling you lady, your father and son have to be missing for a week before we can start searching. I'd like to help sooner, I would, but we're very very busy down here! (plays chess)
Chief Wiggum
Ned Flanders: We're done for, we're done-diddly done for, we're done-diddly-doodily, done diddly-doodily, done diddly-doodly, done diddly-doodily!
Homer: Flanders! Snap out of it!
(Krusty Burger in the middle of the sea)
Guy: We tried to tell you these are unmanned oil rigs.
Krusty: Ah, close the damn thing down, no one's ever going to come.
Homer: (bursts in door) Give me 700 Krusty Burgers!
Squeaky-Voiced Teen: Do you want fries with that?
(Homer digs into a big pile of burgers)
Bart: You did it, Dad! You saved us!
Homer: (mouth full) Go away. Eating.
Homer: Ah, finally a little quiet time to read some of my old favorites... Honey-roasted peanuts. Ingredients: Salt, artificial honey-roasting agents, pressed peanut sweepings...
Homer: Aw, twenty dollars? I wanted a peanut!
Homer's Brain: Twenty dollars can buy many peanuts.
Homer: Explain how!
Homer's Brain: Money can be exchanged for goods and services.
Boy, a man on a Squishee bender can sure do some crazy things.
Bart
Don't thank me - thank the knife!
Dr. Hibbert
Ooh, floor pie!
Homer
Ned Flanders: I guess now we know why they call them rapids and not 'slow-pids', huh?
Bart: Ha ha ha!
Homer: (to Bart) You are not my son!
Bart: Aw, I'm out of money.
Milhouse: Don't say that out loud.
(Security men watching them on TV screens.)
Security Man: Caucasian males out of money in sector four. Go to code red.
Bart: Oh, man, how are we supposed to kill the rest of the afternoon?
Bum: You mustn't kill time, boys, you must cherish it. Seize the day! Can I have some change to go get loaded?
