Bart: I missed you so much that I couldn't concentrate in school and I got an "F."
Homer: This is dated two weeks ago.
Bart: Oh, sorry. Here's a fresh one.

(to Bart) Keep up the roughhousing, boy. Without a strong male figure, you could turn sissy overnight. (as he's scrubbing his underwear) Oh, these stubborn grass stains.

Homer

I can't believe I paid ten-thousand dollars for this class. What the hell was that lab fee for!?

Otto

Marge everything is a sin. Have you ever sat down and read this thing? (holds up the bible) -Technically we're not allowed to go to the bathroom.

Reverend Lovejoy

Groundskeeper Willy: If I wanted to see a man eat an orange, I'd have taken the orange eating class.
(cut to orange eating class)
Moleman: The eating of a good orange is a lot like a successful marriage.
Grampa: Just eat the damn orange!

(After an insect falls out of his hair) You think you get them all, but you forget about the eggs.

Otto

Moe: Hey Homer, why don't you nibble her elbow...that always melts her butter, heh heh.
Marge: Get out! Everyone get out now!
Apu: Ooooh, she's got to have it!

Lisa: Will you be lecturing from a standardized text or using the more Socratic method of interactive class participation?
Homer: Yes, Lisa. Daddy's a teacher.

If he can teach a class, then he can teach a class! I mean, I can teach a class!

Homer

Wait! I need closure on that anecdote.

Squeaky-Voiced Teen

Homer: Okay, brain. If we don't think of something, Marge will leave us forever!
Homer's Brain: Eat the pudding, eat the pudding, eat the pudding, eat the pudding, eat the pudding...
Homer: Well, alright. But then we gotta get to work. (starts eating the pudding)

Homer: Look Marge, you don't know what it's like - I'm the one out there every day putting his ass on the line. And I'm not out of order! You're out of order! The whole freaking system is out of order! You want the truth? You want the truth? You can't handle the truth! 'Cause when you reach over and put your hand into a pile of goo that was your best friend's face, you'll know what to do!! Forget it Marge, it's Chinatown!!!
Marge: Homer, don't ever tell them personal stuff about me again!!
Homer (sheepishly): Yes ma'am.

The Simpsons Season 5 Quotes

Homer: (Wearing glasses) The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side!
Man: (From inside a bathroom stall.) That's a right triangle, you idiot!
Homer: D'oh!

You know, you remind me of a poem I can't remember, and a song that may never have existed, and a place I'm not sure I've ever been to.

Grampa