The Simpsons

Sundays 8:00 PM on FOX
The simpsons
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(Homer wants to keep Hans Moleman as a replacement for Bart.)
Homer: (Kisses Moleman's head.) It's like kissing a peanut.
Marge: Homer, I want that thing out of my house.

Lisa: I propose to you that your heir not need be a boy. In this phallocentric society of ours--
Mr. Burns: I don't know what phallocentric means, but no girls!
Milhouse: (dressed as a girl) So much for Plan B.

Mr. Burns: I specifically said, no geeks!
Milhouse: But my mom says I'm cool...

I just don't want to be here, Dad. Besides, I started a fire this morning that I really should keep an eye on.

Bart

Mr. Burns: Now that you've agreed to reap the windfall of my death, I must return to my large, empty mansion to rattle around and await the inevitable ... alone.
Marge: Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
Homer: Yeah. Let's push him down the steps.

Kids, you tried your best, and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.

Homer

Oh my God, Mr. Burns is dead! Why do the good always die so young?

Smithers

Bart: (reading cue cards) Hello, Mr... Kurns. I bad want... money now. Me sick.
Homer: Ooh, he card reads good.

He's the perfect one to suckle at my proverbial teat.

Mr. Burns

I've argued in front of every judge in this state. Often as a lawyer.

Lionel Hutz

Mr. Burns: I suggest you leave immediately.
Homer: Or what? You'll release the dogs, or the bees, or the dogs with bees in their mouths and when they bark they shoot bees at you?

(pleading for his job without using the letter 'e') I'm a good work... guy.

Lenny
Displaying quotes 97 - 108 of 624 in total

The Simpsons Season 5 Quotes

Homer: (Wearing glasses) The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side!
Man: (From inside a bathroom stall.) That's a right triangle, you idiot!
Homer: D'oh!

You know, you remind me of a poem I can't remember, and a song that may never have existed, and a place I'm not sure I've ever been to.

Grampa