The Simpsons

The Simpsons Season 5 Quotes (Page 7)

Season 5 Episode 17: "Bart Gets an Elephant"

Bart: KBBL is going to give me something stupid!
KBBL DJ: Well, hot dog! We have a wiener!
 • Rating: 3.0 / 5.0

Bart: (to Lisa) Uh, it's hard for us to leave when you're standing there.
Homer: Push her down, son.
 • Rating: 3.7 / 5.0

Lisa: Mr. Blackheart, are you an ivory dealer?
Mr. Blackheart: Well, I've had lots of jobs in my day: whale hunter, seal clubber, president of the fox network. And, like most people, yeah I've dealt a little ivory.
 • Rating: 3.0 / 5.0

Homer: (Sinking in a tar pit) Nah, that's ok. I'm pretty sure I can struggle my way out. First I'll just reach in and pull my legs out, then I'll pull my arms out with my teeth.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Lisa: You're all forgetting the most important thing! Which is that it's wrong to imprison an animal!
Homer: Lisa, go to your room.
 • Rating: 3.0 / 5.0

Homer: Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose. It's how drunk you get.
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Homer: You never know when an old calendar might come in handy. Sure, it's not 1985 now, but who knows what tomorrow will bring?
 • Rating: 3.5 / 5.0

Homer: Bart! With $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things... like love!
Marge: Or double-ply windows. They look just like regular windows (slowing down) but they'll save us 4% on our heating bill...
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Marge: I really think this is a bad idea.
Homer: Marge, I agree with you, in theory. In theory, communism works. In theory.
 • Rating: 3.7 / 5.0

Homer: Maybe if we tied it down so it couldn't move it wouldn't get so hungry.
Lisa: You can't do that, Dad, it's cruel!
Homer: Oh, everything's cruel according to you. Keeping him chained up in the backyard is cruel. Pulling on his tail is cruel. Yelling in his ears is cruel. Everything is cruel. So, excuse me if I'm cruel!
 • Rating: 4.5 / 5.0

Homer: Mmm... elephant fresh.
 • Rating: 2.0 / 5.0

Homer: Well, these bills will have to paid out of your allowance.
Bart: You'd have to raise my allowance to about a $1000 a week.
Homer: Then that's what I'll do, smart guy.
 • Rating: 4.5 / 5.0

Homer: Look at this, Marge! $58 and all of it profit! I'm the smartest businessman in the world.
Marge: Stampy's food bill today was $300.
Homer: Marge, please, don't humiliate me in front of the money.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Lisa: Dad, I think he's an ivory dealer! His boots are ivory, his hat is ivory, and I'm pretty sure that check is ivory.
Homer: Lisa, a guy who's got lots of ivory is less likely to hurt Stampy than a guy whose ivory supplies are low.
 • Rating: 4.7 / 5.0

Blackheart: All right, I'll be back in the morning to pick up Stampy.
Homer: Here's the keys.
Blackheart: Elephants don't have keys.
Homer: Well, I'll just keep these then.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Moe: Hey Clinton, get back to work!
Bill Clinton: Bite me.
 • Rating: 4.5 / 5.0

Marge: (referring to Stampy) Homer... it looks like it could gore.
Homer: (chuckles) It does look like Al Gore.
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Season 5 Episode 16: "Homer Loves Flanders"

Maude: Come on, Ned! Move this thing!
Ned: I can't! It's a Geo!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Homer: Why do you mock me, O Lord?
Marge: Homer, that's not God. That's just a waffle that Bart tossed up there. (She scrapes it down with a broom.)
Homer: I know I shouldn't eat thee, but--(Eats waffle)--Mmm... sacrilicious.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Marge: Homer! Are you planning to hit Ned Flanders with that pipe and steal his tickets?
Homer: Yeno.
Ned: (answers door) Huh? (Homer ges ready to hit him, but changes his mind)
Homer: Oh. Flanders, I decided I'd like to go to the game with you.
Ned: Well, get out the Crayolas and color me "Tickled Pink". Ooh, what's with the lead pipe, were you going to give my noggin a flogging?
Homer: Well, yeah.
(they both laugh)
 • Rating: Unrated

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