Two and a Half Men

Two and a Half Men Quotes (Page 3)

Episode 2: "People Who Love Peepholes"

Walden: I think we're naked.
Alan: You can ignore what's going on down there, it's morning reflex.
 • Rating: 1.0 / 5.0

Alan: Begging never gets you anywhere. I say this having spent more time on my knees than any straight man in America.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Alan: When i was in high school, I was dating a poster of Molly Ringwald.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Alan: You're young, you're rich, you got a face that gives women an erection.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Episode 1: "Nice to Meet You, Walden Schmidt"

Alan: Ooh package, how exciting. What could it be?
Delivery Guy: It's from a crematorium so that kind of narrows it down.
 • Rating: 3.0 / 5.0

Walden: Trust me, money doesn't buy happiness.
Alan: I wouldn't know, I've never had either.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Alan [to urn]: Just like old times. I'm talking and you're in a bottle ignoring me.
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

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