Brian: So how did you two meet?
Jillian: Quagmire showed up at my door and said he was the federal boob inspector! And I was going to tell him to go away, but he had a warrant!
Quagmire: It was a snickers wrapper, Brian. I held up a Snickers wrapper.

• Permalink: So how did you two meet? Quagmire showed up at my door and sai...
• Added: April 10, 2011

You just think you know everything don't you? You're just like a black woman in hindsight.

• Permalink: You just think you know everything don't you? You're just like ...
• Added: April 10, 2011

Call me the "Paw." That's what I go by now.

• Permalink: Call me the Paw. That's what I go by now.
• Added: April 10, 2011

Brian: Good morning everyone!
Lois: Ah crap, he's in love again.

• Permalink: Good morning everyone! Ah crap, he's in love again.
• Added: April 10, 2011

Brian: Uh no... uh I'm going to meet Jenny's cats.
Peter: What are you talking about? You hate cats.
Brian (gritting his teeth): I'm... going... to... meet... her cats...

• Permalink: Uh no... uh I'm going to meet Jenny's cats. What are you talki...
• Added: February 14, 2011

Lois, I only ask this because of the dire situation I'm in. But can I hump your legs for 15 uninterrupted seconds?

• Permalink: Lois, I only ask this because of the dire situation I'm in. But...
• Added: January 10, 2011

Meg, you're so beautiful on the inside... but it's important that you know your limitations.

• Permalink: Meg, you're so beautiful on the inside... but it's important tha...
• Added: January 10, 2011

Brian: Ah, it's a period joke!
Peter: Ah, it's a period period joke!

• Permalink: Ah, it's a period joke! Ah, it's a period period joke!
• Added: January 10, 2011

Stewie: Brian, why does the North Pole have black teenagers?
Brian: Um, uh, from Katrina?

• Permalink: Brian, why does the North Pole have black teenagers? Um, uh, f...
• Added: December 13, 2010

Brian: Lauren just finished a fascinating doctoral thesis on sub-orbital propulsion mechanisms that NASA is using for the next generation of space shuttles.
Chris and Meg: Oooohhhhhh... Aaaaahhhh!
Peter: So, Lauren, um, whenever I'm watchin' your show... you give me wood. Where do we go from here?

• Permalink: Lauren just finished a fascinating doctoral thesis on sub-orbita...
• Added: December 08, 2010

Brian: Oh, my God. Fred Savage is the greatest actor in the world!
Savage: That's all I ever wanted to be known for.
Lois: Is it okay if we run this story instead?
Savage: Sure thing!
Daniel Stern: [as the voice-over from "The Wonder Years"] It was just then that I knew that things were finally going my...
Savage: [angrily] I DON'T NEED YOU ANYMORE!!!

• Permalink: Oh, my God. Fred Savage is the greatest actor in the world! Th...
• Added: December 08, 2010

Brian: Oh, there's my laptop. Do you mind? I want to check my e-mail.
Stewie: Go away! I'm editing this music video I'm making for Susie.
Brian: [voice rising in pitch] Oh, really. Music video? Working on a little video there? Little, uh... little music video? Little compilation of visual images to go with the song? Little four minute movie that tells the story of a...
Stewie: Yeah, that only works when I do it.

• Permalink: Oh, there's my laptop. Do you mind? I want to check my e-mail. ...
• Added: December 08, 2010