Elliot Reid Quotes
Elliot: Ooh, someone's a cradle-robber!
Patricia: Darryl's my son.
Elliot: Oh, come on, the only way he could be your son is if you had him when you were, like, fifteen.
Patricia: Fourteen.
Elliot: Oh... I was close
Elliot: Who cares? It's only a grade.
J.D.: Really, what'd you get?
Elliot: An A-plus. But, then I turned on the water-works and the resident changed it to an A-plus-plus.
J.D.: It's a proud day for women everywhere
Elliot: So, what are we doing tonight?
Carla: Oh... go out to dinner, I guess.
Elliot: Ooh, dinner! Where're we gonna eat?
Carla: Oh, I don't know, some restaurant.
Elliot: Mmm! Some restaurant! Be honest, um, does this look, uh, "hip" enough?
Carla: Since when are khakis, a pink shirt, and a neckerchief not hip?
Elliot: True
Carla: Elliot, there's no excuse for what I did.
Elliot: No, there's not... Are we done?
Carla: I'm really sorry.
Elliot: Don't be. If I was going out with my friend, I wouldn't invite you... Who am I kidding. Yes, I would, and she'd probably like you better and neither one of you would ever talk to me again
Elliot: You know I kinda had a date last night?
J.D.: Really?
Elliot: Yeah a guy on the bus fell asleep on me and drooled on my shoulder
J.D.: You slut!
J.D.: How about Nick?
Elliot: Oh... I'd let him drool on me. Oh, that's gross, why did I say that? I-I shouldn't talk to people. Besides, I wouldn't know what to do even if I was interested.
J.D.: Well, you could start by looking at him.
[Elliot looks at Nick for a split second then looks back]
Elliot: Did he look back, did he like me? Why doesn't he like me? I can't believe I already blew it!
J.D.'s Narration: I think everyone's finally coming around to my way of thinking about Nick.
Carla: You're right, he definitely has a cute little butt.
Elliot: Oh, it's almost like it's been sculpted.
J.D.: Who cares? Everybody's got a cute butt; I have a cute butt.
Carla: You should bring it in someday
Since your jaw is wired shut, we're going to give you IV nutrition for a couple days, okay? Oh, sorry, you can't answer! It's like going to the dentist; I hate when they ask you questions, and you have all that stuff in your mouth, don't you? Oh, my God, I did it again!
J.D.'s Narration: There's a lot of horrible things about being an intern: long hours, constant stress, having to deal with death. But worst of all is the simple fact that the average intern has to disimpact fifteen to twenty bowels a week. That's why there's a sacred oath among interns never to make fun of each other for doing the things we have to do.
Elliot: Hee-hee. You have to touch someone's hiney!
Dr. Kelso: Dorian, come with me. And Dr... uh...
Elliot: Reid.
Dr. Kelso: Sure, why not. Take over for him.
J.D.: Hee-hee!
Elliot: Wow! I can't imagine picking psychiatry as a specialty after interning as a real doctor... That didn't come out right... It's just, my dad - um, he's a doctor, too - he says therapy is for people with more money than problems. But then... my dad says a lot of things...
Nurse: Did anyone page a nurse?
Elliot: No.
Nurse: It looks like his eyes are screaming.
Elliot: Please, we're talking
Elliot: Why doesn't anyone ever listen to me?
Turk: 'In a better place', 'look different', 'feel good', 'kay? That's what usually happens when you see a shrink.
Elliot: My patient happens to be a therapist, I'm not 'seeing a shrink.'
Turk: Okay.
Elliot: And I would appreciate it if you'd stop spreading around embarrassing rumors like that.
Turk: Whoa, whoa, whoa, I'm just goofing around. Besides, the last thing I want to do is upset a crazy lady
Turk: You know, I went to therapy once.
Elliot: You did?
Turk: Yeah. Once, though, like, back in '93 to '94; and then three months in '95; and then I went to Group which was a disaster
