Glenn Quagmire Quotes
"O come on! They don't own French fries!"
Joe: "I know, an exciting day for me is when I watch wheelchair porn. Boy do sparks fly on those."
Quagmire: "Oh is it hot?"
Joe: "Eh, it's mostly chairs smashing into each other."
"Peaches, Ginger, Honey, Candy, Olive... oh you know what? This is the wrong journal..."
Meg: "Hey, when you get sexually abused in a coma, do you know it's happening and can't do anything about it, or do you just not know what's going on?"
Quagmire: "I also am curious about that."
Peter: Eddie Izard would be very discreet.
Quagmire: Well, there's your answer.
Peter: Whoa, what the hell are these? Hamsters?
Quagmire: They're adorable!
Quagmire: So, do you guys not do the anal probe thing anymore?
Alien: No, that's more of less been retired.
Quagmire: I see, I see...do you guys still have the thing?
Brian: So how did you two meet?
Jillian: Quagmire showed up at my door and said he was the federal boob inspector! And I was going to tell him to go away, but he had a warrant!
Quagmire: It was a snickers wrapper, Brian. I held up a Snickers wrapper.
It's kinda weird that 80's white clothes could pass for 90's white clothes...
Quagmire: What can I say? I really like watching her box.
Peter: That means two things.
Peter: Man would you look at that? Two smoking hot repeatedly striking each other.
Quagmire: Yeah, it reminds me of Thanksgiving.
Peter: Why does it remind you of Thanksgiving?
Quagmire: 'Cause this is where I come for Thanksgiving.
Oh yeah, I'm very in touch with my Asian roots. You notice I take my shoes off whenever I enter my house? I do five hours of math homework every night even though I'm not longer in school. Sometimes, I drink out of a wood box. I was a very cute baby and now I'm a joyless adult.